Tough morning

This morning on our walk Tally and I had an encounter with a couple and their THREE Pitbulls. I've seen this couple before and I do not like them at all. They are, if you will excuse the phrase, white trash.

At first they only had one Pitbull, and then a second, and now today a third. I had this feeling when we were talking toward them on the sidewalk that I should cross to the other side of the street. But I didn't want to be mean. Oh how I wish I would have listened to that feeling.

As we were walking toward them Tally pulled in behind me, as though she was trying to hide behind me. The two full grown pits (the new one is a puppy) were being walked by the female of the couple and she could not hold them back. They lunged at Tally and she was bit a few times. It all happened so fast. I was really shaken up and tried to calm down enough to get their contact information. This is why I ALWAYS walk with my cell phone in my pocket. I took her name and phone number. They apologized a few times and said the classic line "He's never done that before" and I just said "Fine" and walked straight back home.

Once in the door I started crying. Tally was shaking and nervous. I checked her out as best I could and called our Vet. They fit us in an hour and a half later. Before leaving for the vet I tried calling the owner of the other dog and told her that I wanted the dogs name, her last name, and their Vet's information to verify that the dog was current on its shots. She said that they don't have a vet and that she has the paperwork showing a valid 4 year rabies vaccination. Then she went started yelling at me and saying that her dog got bit too and was bleeding and calling me a "fucking bitch" and saying that she wanted proof of my dogs vaccinations too and then hung up on me.

I hate some dog owners. I feel so badly for breeds like Pitbulls and Rottweilers because they get such a bad chance at getting a genuinely good owner. These people are exactly the type of people who should absolutely NOT own even one Pitbull let alone THREE!! I fear that it is all going to end very badly for those three dogs.

Tally appears to be mostly OK. Her Vet and I were able to find a couple of fairly superficial scratches that had bled a bit. She got a shot of antibiotics there and is now on antibiotics for a week and also some anti-inflammatories. Right now she is sleeping soundly and I'm still fuming.

From now on I will trust my inner voice when it's telling me to cross the street.

p.s. The label for this post "Dog Bit" now has an entirely different meaning.

Lacking

Today I feel as though I am lacking in so many ways. Perhaps it's all hormonal but it is debilitating.

While searching Monster today I saw a listing for "the" real estate company that I would like to work for. It was a link to a test to take that would tell you if you match the "4 Core Capacities" of their top performing agents. Guess who doesn't match, me that's who.

As I read through my results I thought "that's right" and "yeah that's me" to these types of statements:

• Understanding and compassion are central to your life strategy.
• You strive to cause people and things to function well together.
• Seeing potential and opportunity is a primary talent.
• Strategic thinking is your forte.
• You can always see another way to put things together.
• You have wit and creativity in your thinking.
• Understanding others and working with them is a key asset of yours.

You always want the results of these tests to feel accurate. You'd rather it ring true with you than to feel a complete mismatch. Then I got to the section where they described the results for their top agents. It's just not me. Their number 1 is my number 3. Their 4th category is my 2nd.

Even before I found this test today I was feeling out of sorts, and yes hormonal, but overall unsettled. What if this is the wrong path? What should I be doing? What do I really want to do? I'm really feeling so lost right now. So unguided and directionless.

When I got back home from my trip to MN and TX I was feeling fantastic but now the high has faded. I'm feeling scared and confused. I can't keep being unemployed, financially, or realistically. I want to be around people again. I want to be productive again. I want to...something again but what?

21, 22 & 23 Books

Just before leaving on vacation I read "The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo" by Stieg Larsson. Molly had read it first and passed her borrowed copy on to me. Everyone kept saying how slowly it started out and I can sort of see what they mean but I didn't feel at all disappointed. I plowed through it in no time. When I was done all I wanted to do was read the second one, which I carried around Target with me for about an hour before putting it back on the shelf. Spending $15 on a book is just not in the budget at the moment. So I started the last book sitting on my bedside table, only to not be able to concentrate on it. I think there is a child about to die in it and I'm not sure I can handle that. Even so, I packed that book with me for my trip along with "Pride and Prejudice" which is always a great read.

Then I got to the airport with nearly 2 hours to kill. What do they sell in abundance at the airport? Books. Glorious books. There is was on the shelf taunting me with it's glorious red-orange cover, "The Girl Who Played with Fire". I wanted it SO much! Again my hand reached out and pulled the trade paperback version from the shelf. Again I walked around a store wanting it and trying to justify the expense when low and behold my eyes caught sight of the mass market paperback version. Tentatively I turned it over to check the price.... $8. WAHOO! Now that I could much more easily swallow into my tiny budget.

The flight and the first days of the trip were filled with reading "...Played with Fire" and I liked it just as much as the first one. All too soon it was done and again I wanted. Oh how I wanted the third book "The Girl Who Kicked the Hornet's Nest". Each time I saw it I would give it's silver papered hardcover goodness a caress and sigh a sad little sigh. An $8 paperback is one thing but a $27 hardcover!!! That was out of the question. I had a book I'd borrowed from Liz and it would have to do. But oh how it just didn't cut it.

Then a miracle occurred. My dad and Liz went to the Mall of America to grab some glorious tax free clothing and when they returned I was surprised with my dearest wish "...Hornet's Nest"! They said it was a belated birthday present and I nearly cried. I'm such a dork but I don't care. Last night I stayed up late until I was finished and now I am sad once again. So so sad. But oh so thankful that I got to read the three books in quick succession and all for only $8 out of my pocket! Not too shabby.

Thanks Stieg for writing these books. I'm very sad that I will not get to read another book from you. May you rest in peace.

Let's try it again

After reading "Pickles & Dimes" comment on my last post I decided to take Tally with me again on my run. She used the word "condition" and it made me realize that I really wanted to run with Tally so I just needed to get us both in the condition to handle it. Perhaps it's that the second time is the charm, but this time went better for us both. Perhaps this time we both knew what to expect so it was easier. I took the runs a bit slower than I might have but that was OK by me. It made the whole experience better to have her beside, well actually a bit behind, me.

Today's run was Number 3 of week 2. It will be the last time I run in WA for a while since I'm heading out to TX and MN tomorrow. Won't be back home until Monday the 23rd. Running in the heat of Texas and the mind melting humidity of MN is going to present a new challenge. I'll be running as early in the morning in TX as possible in order to avoid the 100+ temps they have been having recently. The trip also means that Tally won't be running with me for a while since she will be having her own vacation at my mom's house. Hopefully we will be able to get right back into it when I return.

The other thing that made it easier to run with Tally today is that she got a final clean bill of health from the cancer vet on August 3rd. The first time I ran with her I had this nagging thought that there might be something wrong. That she might be sick and I just didn't know it. I'm sure I'll still always stress a bit that she might have another health set back but for now that thought is a bit less nagging. She's fine. We're both fine. And we just might be getting better every day.

Off to pack for my trip. Oh look and the sun is coming out too. I think today is going to be a really great day.

Getting off the couch

My brother mentioned a while ago that we should start running. We had been commiserating about how flabby, fat and lazy we've been feeling. Since he mentioned it, I've been thinking about it a lot. Yesterday he texted me saying that we start Tuesday which is his next day off. I quickly agreed.

Since mid-June I've been tracking my weight (using an iPhone app called TargetWeight) trying to get down to a weight that would make me feel better in my clothes and make my shorts fit over my rear. So far I'm down 7 pounds but have hit a wall, weighing in at the same exact weight for the past 4 days!!

I've read about a lot of people doing the Couch to 5K program, so I found an app for my iPhone that would "walk" me through it. Brother couldn't start today because of work but I was itching to get going. First, I needed running shoes (oh and that iPhone app). Off to DSW I went. Tried on several pairs with each one feeling better than the previous. Decided on a pair of Asics GEL-Kahana 4's. They felt great.

Tonight instead of our normal evening walk I took Tally on my first "C25K" workout. It was so great! I loved it. It was definitely hard but I always knew that I just had to make it to the next interval. Since the intervals are so short it never got overwhelming. And with the app watching out for me I didn't have to worry about timing or anything, I just had to run and walk. The app also lets you create a play list to listen to while running, a perfect distraction!

Another distraction and the big bummer was that Tally couldn't keep up during the runs. Since we were running in an enclosed area and I knew she probably wouldn't run off, I let her off leash for the last few intervals so I wasn't dragging her along to the finish. Poor girl, we are both so out of shape. It also took her a pretty long time to recover when we got home. I'm not sure what to do about it. Should I keep pushing her to go along? Should I leave her home? Ugh so stressful. She's got her last post-Cancer check-up on Tuesday which is my next running day so I don't have to worry about it until Thursday. I'd really like it if she could do this with me. Perhaps a call to her regular vet is in order.

Here's hoping that I stick with this. If today is any indication I'm actually going to like it.

And then there were 20

Finished reading book 20 a few days ago, The Art of Racing in the Rain by Garth Stein. Very easy, quick read. The author is based in Seattle and so is the book. Really fun to read all of the local references. Oh and did I mention that it is told from the point of view of a dog? Did you know that I really like dogs?

It wasn't great but it was a bit of fun.

Enough with the tears already

I have been an emotional nut job lately. To the ten thousandth degree this is actually an understatement. I weep at TV shows. But have you seen "Th Choir" on BBC America? Tear fest! Or the slot car episode of "James May's Toy Stories" also on BBC America? Weep weep weep. Then there's Tally needing my nearly constant attention causing me to sob as well.

It doesn't help that I'm stuck in the house most all of the time. See when you go out places you spend money and when there is no money coming in that is a bad bad thing. So at home I stay with an adorable, yet ultra needy dog, at my side. With the computer in front of me or a text book on my lap or napping on the couch or watching TV and weeping.

It's nice to have been depressed and come through on the other side if only now it means that you can see these times for what they are, set backs that you can get through. I know that I won't always feel this way but damn does it make it hard to want to keep on going some days.

I've made good head way in the real estate classes but there is definitely a lot more to do. I won't be done by the end of the month and a lot of that is because my mood has gotten in my way. It's kept me away from the online class or the text book when I really should have been there. It's frustrating and the voice in my head that is telling me I'm doing the wrong thing and that I will most certainly fail is sometimes very difficult to shut up.

It also hasn't helped that my dad has had a big professional set back this month and my empathy level is at a peak where he is concerned. Talking to him the other day made my sad state even lower which is never good. Thankfully Molly came over to borrow something and I got to spill my tears all over the place with another human being rather than on my couch alone with Tally and BBC America.

So today is better, must be or I wouldn't be here writing about it. Took Tally on a long walk this morning and then took myself for a roller blade around Green Lake. Let me tell you that made it abundantly clear to me that I am out of shape in a big way. I could only go around once and it was hardly 3 miles! Oh well I've only been one other time so far this summer so I shall give myself a pass on that. At least I went. I was out there. Big yahoo for that.

So right now I have a dog giving me her sad little eyes wanting to go for our evening walk. I even had to feed her dinner early in order to distract her so that I could sit here and write this entry. This won't always be my reality. I will finish my real estate course and I will pass the exam and I will find a job. It's what I want so that's what will happen. Power of positive thinking hard at work here and I'm working at believing it. And enough with the tears already!

Book 19 of 2010

Finished another book two nights ago, "Emotionally weird" by Kate Atkinson. I'd read her other book and thought it was OK. This one was OK too. No reason to recommend it but not horrible. High praise, huh? It was only $1 in the clearance area at Half Price Books so that makes it worth it.

Started reading book 20 last night, borrowed from Molly. It will be a quick read. Super large font and the narrator is a dog.

Delay in programming; 18 books and counting

Sorry for the lack of posting. I've been here. Reading the writing of the other blogs I love. I've been writing posts in my head even but never putting them to "paper". And since right now I should be studying I think I'll get you up to speed instead.

First of all I've definitely been reading. There was "Size 14 isn't fat either" by Meg Cabot which is #2 of 3 in the Heather Wells series. I'd already read #3 previously not realizing I was doing it out of order, YIKES! Hate that. So after reading this one I read the third again, "Big Boned". They are all good easy reads. I hadn't realized until picking up this book how prolific Meg Cabot is. Have I been under a rock? And then there was "Grave Goods" by Ariana Franklin. I really love her style. I pay full price for her books when ever I find them and I'm not generally a fan of historical fiction. Then there was "Sammy's House" by Kristin Gore. I'd read "Sammy's Hill" a while back and when I saw this one I had to have it. Again Sammy was a wonderfully flawed character that I kept rooting for. And only in reading this book did I realize that Kristin is Al & Tipper's daughter.

After that I had run out of book so I started a re-read of "Pride and Prejudice". I don't even know at this point how many times I've read it. Then on my birthday (Sunday 27th I turned 36!!) I realized I had a bag of books that needed to go back to Half Price Books for reselling. So as a present to myself I took them in and walked away with $6.50 for the bag and used it to buy two more books for only $3.00! Love it when my wallet comes out ahead and so does my nightstand.

So does all of that reading count as 4 more books for the year even though one was a re-read? I think so. And since I'm the one doing the counting who's going to argue? I think that brings me to a total of 18 so far for the year.

And in other news I've decided to take the classes for becoming a real estate agent. So far I've only made it through the first four chapters and I'm not making any head way while typing here but oh well. I'll get it done. I promise. My goal is to have the course(s) and the state exam done by the end of July. Hope that's not too lofty a goal since it's 90 credit hours of studying to do. I'm just not back into the study groove yet. I'm out of practice. Yeah, that's it. I'm not a procrastinator I'm just out of practice. HA!

There are other things occurring but I'm not sure if I'm ready to write about them here yet. So I shall let them be written in my head for a bit longer. Posting more than once a month seems like a good idea so I'll see if I can get back into practice doing this too. Hasta luego.

Two forgettable tales

Thankfully they were each only a dollar. So only two of my hard earned buckaroo's went towards these two books. Finished the first a week or so ago and the second a few days ago.

$1 book the first: "The Perfect Elizabeth" by Libby Schmais. I'm sure she really tried to make the sisters memorable but alas it was not to be.

$1 book the second: "Project Jennifer" by Jill Amy Rosenblatt. Almost gave up on this one several times but I pushed through because, well, honestly what else do I have going on these days.

Now I'm reading two books at the same time which is very unlike me. One is a novel and the other a self help book suggested by my newly hired coach. Yes, I hired someone to help me figure out me. At this very moment I should be working on a questionnaire that is part of the book she assigned but I'm here telling this space about books I hardly remember even though I just finished reading them. I'm an world class procrastinator! Is that something that I should add to my resume? Perhaps not.