Lacking

Today I feel as though I am lacking in so many ways. Perhaps it's all hormonal but it is debilitating.

While searching Monster today I saw a listing for "the" real estate company that I would like to work for. It was a link to a test to take that would tell you if you match the "4 Core Capacities" of their top performing agents. Guess who doesn't match, me that's who.

As I read through my results I thought "that's right" and "yeah that's me" to these types of statements:

• Understanding and compassion are central to your life strategy.
• You strive to cause people and things to function well together.
• Seeing potential and opportunity is a primary talent.
• Strategic thinking is your forte.
• You can always see another way to put things together.
• You have wit and creativity in your thinking.
• Understanding others and working with them is a key asset of yours.

You always want the results of these tests to feel accurate. You'd rather it ring true with you than to feel a complete mismatch. Then I got to the section where they described the results for their top agents. It's just not me. Their number 1 is my number 3. Their 4th category is my 2nd.

Even before I found this test today I was feeling out of sorts, and yes hormonal, but overall unsettled. What if this is the wrong path? What should I be doing? What do I really want to do? I'm really feeling so lost right now. So unguided and directionless.

When I got back home from my trip to MN and TX I was feeling fantastic but now the high has faded. I'm feeling scared and confused. I can't keep being unemployed, financially, or realistically. I want to be around people again. I want to be productive again. I want to...something again but what?

Delay in programming; 18 books and counting

Sorry for the lack of posting. I've been here. Reading the writing of the other blogs I love. I've been writing posts in my head even but never putting them to "paper". And since right now I should be studying I think I'll get you up to speed instead.

First of all I've definitely been reading. There was "Size 14 isn't fat either" by Meg Cabot which is #2 of 3 in the Heather Wells series. I'd already read #3 previously not realizing I was doing it out of order, YIKES! Hate that. So after reading this one I read the third again, "Big Boned". They are all good easy reads. I hadn't realized until picking up this book how prolific Meg Cabot is. Have I been under a rock? And then there was "Grave Goods" by Ariana Franklin. I really love her style. I pay full price for her books when ever I find them and I'm not generally a fan of historical fiction. Then there was "Sammy's House" by Kristin Gore. I'd read "Sammy's Hill" a while back and when I saw this one I had to have it. Again Sammy was a wonderfully flawed character that I kept rooting for. And only in reading this book did I realize that Kristin is Al & Tipper's daughter.

After that I had run out of book so I started a re-read of "Pride and Prejudice". I don't even know at this point how many times I've read it. Then on my birthday (Sunday 27th I turned 36!!) I realized I had a bag of books that needed to go back to Half Price Books for reselling. So as a present to myself I took them in and walked away with $6.50 for the bag and used it to buy two more books for only $3.00! Love it when my wallet comes out ahead and so does my nightstand.

So does all of that reading count as 4 more books for the year even though one was a re-read? I think so. And since I'm the one doing the counting who's going to argue? I think that brings me to a total of 18 so far for the year.

And in other news I've decided to take the classes for becoming a real estate agent. So far I've only made it through the first four chapters and I'm not making any head way while typing here but oh well. I'll get it done. I promise. My goal is to have the course(s) and the state exam done by the end of July. Hope that's not too lofty a goal since it's 90 credit hours of studying to do. I'm just not back into the study groove yet. I'm out of practice. Yeah, that's it. I'm not a procrastinator I'm just out of practice. HA!

There are other things occurring but I'm not sure if I'm ready to write about them here yet. So I shall let them be written in my head for a bit longer. Posting more than once a month seems like a good idea so I'll see if I can get back into practice doing this too. Hasta luego.

Two forgettable tales

Thankfully they were each only a dollar. So only two of my hard earned buckaroo's went towards these two books. Finished the first a week or so ago and the second a few days ago.

$1 book the first: "The Perfect Elizabeth" by Libby Schmais. I'm sure she really tried to make the sisters memorable but alas it was not to be.

$1 book the second: "Project Jennifer" by Jill Amy Rosenblatt. Almost gave up on this one several times but I pushed through because, well, honestly what else do I have going on these days.

Now I'm reading two books at the same time which is very unlike me. One is a novel and the other a self help book suggested by my newly hired coach. Yes, I hired someone to help me figure out me. At this very moment I should be working on a questionnaire that is part of the book she assigned but I'm here telling this space about books I hardly remember even though I just finished reading them. I'm an world class procrastinator! Is that something that I should add to my resume? Perhaps not.

Wrinkle re-read; What's my line?

I read "A Wrinkle in Time" more than a few times as a kid. A few years ago I bought it and the next two in the series and re-read them again. After I finished "The Fool's Journey" I had nothing else left from my last trip to Half Price Books, so I went rummaging through my bookshelves and picked up "A Wrinkle...".

Here's the thing, I don't remember much of it at all. Why is that? Why do I hardly remember a story that I've read at least a handful of times? What's wrong with my reading comprehension skills? Or is it my memory that's not intact?

The other day I started a career self-help book called "The Pathfinder". I bought it back before I decided to leave the job two jobs ago. I thought at the time that I would really try to figure out what it is what I want to do as a career or aka "what I want to be when I grow up". I didn't make it very far through it at the time and fell into another job and then fell into this last one.

The very first chapter of the book asks you to remember what as a kid you dreamed about as a career when you grew up and how you felt during those dreams. Here's the problem with these questions, I have no idea. I can't remember ever wanting to really be anything. I don't remember ever sitting around dreaming about being an astronaut or a fireman or a slayer. (Sorry watching a Buffy rerun and just had to throw that in there.)

The only thing that stands out for me is that I used to spend my spare money buying magazines full of house plans. I'd spend hours critiquing their layouts and imagining ways to improve it. What it would be like for a family to live in those walls? How would I make it better? Is that a job? Cause if it is, sign me up! But I'm thinking not so much. Right?

How am I supposed to start me journey of finding my ideal future career if I can't remember what I dreamt of as a kid? I can't even remember reading a book I've read several times before. I really hope that "The Pathfinder" gives me some other assistance in this process or another starting point because otherwise I might throw it out the nearest window.

And then there was that thing that happened

Friday was certainly a life changer. I got to work, was called into the President's office, told I was being let go because he didn't think I could do the job, walked to my office to pack it up, turn in my bus pass, building id and company phone and right on out of the office.

The best news of the whole interaction was that I didn't cry! A small victory but definitely a victory. Oh I cried later, whole big piles of tears, several times. Many times. But right there and then I didn't. I held it together and for that I'm eternally grateful.

I really and truly did not see the getting fired thing coming. At all. In the just shy of two years that I worked there I never once had a review or a talking to or a notice of anything being wrong at all. It's not as if I was happy there or even wanted to be there, in fact, working there was starting to effect me physically, emotionally and mentally. But still, I was FIRED! Who would ever want that? Not me for sure. I would have much rather have left on my own terms. But here's the thing, oh well. I don't have to go back there. Never ever again!!!!

So I'm on a Spring Break of sorts. An unforeseen break in the action of the every day. Change of path and decisions ahead for me. Overall I feel lighter and already a whole lot better. And yet, I did just get fired. Blech.

Attitude crashitude

My attitude is in the crapper. I hate being at work. I am not happy with my social situation. Rephrase that last one. I am happy when I have social situations to attend but more and more often I have a lot of alone time and I'm just not feeling up to trying to fill it.

I met with my Dr on Friday to discuss my current hormonal situation which has also been craptastic of late. She prescribed a bcp that is supposed to help with both the craptacular periods and my horrible mood. Sounds like a great up side. The down side is my insurance doesn't cover it so it's $70 out of pocket each month. Crap.

Perhaps it was a horrible idea for me to go off of the anti-depressants. Perhaps I'm not cut out for this job. Perhaps I shouldn't have, in a fit of loneliness last night, signed up for an internet dating site when I've been there done that more times then I can even count.

What the in the name of all that's holy is going to make me happy? Why does everything make me want to cry?

Friends whom I love dearly are having babies and I couldn't be more excited for them or more jealous. People ask the dreaded "why aren't you dating anyone" question and a part of me shreds to pieces.

When do you suppose I'll feel like I have a life that's something. A life that makes me want to get out of bed each day and take it on. A life that is enough for everyone to see and there are no more questions of "why aren't you" or "why don't you". I want my life to be enough and more. I do not want to regret my time here.

For now I'd really settle for being able to keep a lid on the tears while at work. Ugh. Makes my face hurt. Makes my entire head hurt. Makes all of this trying to cope crap even harder.

And on that cheery note I shall leave you with this quote from Real Genius just because:
"I was thinking of the immortal words of Socrates, who said, 'I drank what?'"

Don't focus on what you don't want

I find myself as searching for a new job thinking about only what I don't want. I don't want to work for another software company, do I? I don't want to work in manufacturing again, do I? I don't want to work with external customers anymore, do I? I don't want to work on the Eastside, do I? I don't want to work for a small company, do I? I don't I don't I don't.

So what is it that I do want? Why am I being so negative about this whole thing? Why can't I focus on what it is I do want instead? Really what is it? Gah!!

Positively shocking that I'm so negative. This job has got me feeling completely useless and luckless. I've lost sight of what I can offer and what I'm good for. What could I offer a company? What kind of company would want me?

But really it's not only about what they want, it's about me too. I get to make this decision as well, right? We get to decide if we like each other. I am a part of that equation. I get to choose where I send my resume and where I want to begin this whole thing. But that's the problem, where do I want to start?

Where'd she go?

It happened again. I stopped writing here. Can't figure out why but it did. It does.

Don't have a ton to say so I'll just start by telling you what's been going on.

Boss was gone for the last two weeks of July and it was fantastic. Loved it. Got to make the decisions about what people where doing almost as if I was actually fulfilling my job description! Also had a few meetings with Big boss (my boss's father) about how things were going with boss and how I should tailor my interactions with him to suit his style because that's what he needs. That's how he works. That's what I should do. Um wait a minute I say. Why is it that my style works well with everyone else in the office and not boss but it's me that has to change? Why is it that boss's style means that no one wants to work with him but we are the ones who have to change? Don't think so big boss. Things need to change and it isn't me that's the issue. He says he's going to make things happen. Little boss has been back a week and so far nothing's changed. Wait and see.

Got all of my plans for my vacation set. Flight, hotels and car. All ready to go. Now I just have to wait two more weeks and it will be vacation city for this gal. Tally's going to stay with my mom for the week.

Speaking of Tally she's been doing great. She's loving our longer summer walks and so am I. She's been shedding like crazy! The heat last week of July really killed her energy level and turned her into a shedding machine. I can't keep up with all of the hair. No matter how often I clean. This week her energy has been getting back to normal. She's playing a ton and seems really happy.

This past week a contractor has been tearing out the common wall between the bedrooms from Molly's side. So poor Molly has been having to live sleeping in her living room all week. Can you even imagine? Going from a small place (650 sq ft) and not having the use of an entire room for a week!!! Ugh. He took out the existing drywall and lame insulation replaced it with quiet batt insulation, homasote sound barrier board and will drywall over it all tomorrow. He's also been building out her closet in the plan I came up with. Then while I'm vacation he's going to build out my closet. I'm very lucky to not have to live through the construction like Molly has had to.

Well that's all I can think of for now. Perhaps I'll be back again soon.

What now?

Vacation hotel has confirmed. So that's set. Now I still need the two nights in Norfolk on each end but I'll probably get that done this weekend. I think I've picked the place so it's just a matter of gettin' er done. So I suppose that means I've got myself a vacation. Right at the moment it doesn't seem real. I can't quite put my head around the fact that I'm going to go on vacation and by myself for that matter.

I'm not sure how it will be. If over the course of the week I'll get sick of myself. Get too stuck in my head and not be able to get out. I don't want a solitary vacation. I do want to interact with other people. I'm not sure how I'll do that while in a place I don't know. The logistics of a solo vacation are alluding me. But then again perhaps I'm over thinking it. Got a few more weeks to figure it all out.

The work week is going agonizingly slowly. Boss guy is on vacation for two weeks starting next week and I'm sort of looking forward to it. Without him there I actually get to do my old job again but I'm so unmotivated that I could care less. I just don't care about what's going on there. *sigh*

I'm lacking things to say. Wishing I had more to say. Today on the bus I couldn't read my book. Couldn't focus on it. Hate it when my brain can't put itself together well enough. Train of thought not following.

So that'll be all for now. Later skaters.

Time marches slowly for those keeping track

Things have been slow at work. SLOW. I've spent most of today researching things to do on my vacation and creating a My Maps in Google maps marking all of the necessary spots. You know like the location of the nearest Starbucks. Just kidding there aren't any Starbucks where I'm going. Strange but true.

So far I've booked my hotel (I think, but they haven't confirmed yet!), my flight and the rental car. I've got to get a night at a hotel closest to the airport for the first night and last night. My flight doesn't land until about 7PM and I don't want to drive 130+ miles right after flying across country. The night I land I'll pick up the car stay near the airport and then head out the next morning. Same thing on the way back but in reverse. I'm really excited and wish it wasn't more than 6 weeks away. Summers always go by quickly so I'm sure it will be here before I know it.

Speaking of strange office chairs, this afternoon I've been sitting on one of those exercise ball thingys in a chair base. Hoping to improve my overall body shape before having to don a swimsuit for an entire week. GAH!!

Since you mentioned it, I've had two friends have babies in the last two days. Both are named Jessica W and both delivered at the same hospital. One delivered a little boy EARLY yesterday morning and the other a little girl early this morning. Babies babies all around. My co-workers wife who has been on hospital bed rest for the past few months is set to deliver in a week and a half. Babies babies babies everywhere.

And while I am being pretending sequitur but actually non sequitur girl I might as well tell you that Tally is doing really well. Shedding like the dickens, but really doing great. We had a milestone moment the other evening during bath time. I've learned over time that it's easier to get into the bath tub with her (in my swimsuit sitting on a little stool) than to reach into the tub on my knees. She doesn't really like baths and tries to bury her head as far as she can into my lap and away from the water. On Tuesday for the first time ever I was able to coax her into the bath tub all on her own! I didn't have to pick her up and place her in. It was GREAT! Perhaps some day she'll get comfortable enough with the water that I can wash her head. But I'm not banking on that. I'll take this small victory.

A half an hour left of my work day. How shall I waste it? What are your favorite ways to waste time at work? Do tell!

Am I supposed to work here?

I've done a grand total (if I'm pushing it and rounding WAY up) an hours worth of work today. One little tiny hour. Since they got rid of the support department and made me it, my workload has become really cyclical. The nature of our software means that the beginning of the month and the beginning of fiscal periods are busy. The ends of the month before a holiday weekend, not so much.

So in the other million free hours I've had today I discovered that I might want to vacation to Hatteras, North Carolina. Ever been there? Me neither. I'm looking for a place on the ocean, that's a bit touristy with a small little town where I can relax and be a lump. Oh and yeah for a week. Oh and yeah by myself.

This will be the first time that I have ever gone on a vacation by myself. I'm kind of nervous and kind of thrilled by the idea of it. Perhaps after I get back I'll be revolted by the idea but you never know.

Initially I started out this quest for a vacation destination by trying to find a tour for single people. Not hard to find. But the more I read about them the more I realized that I didn't want to be around a group of strangers for a week going here, there and everywhere. I wanted to lay low. I wanted to do nothing at all. I wanted sun and water and surf and sand and a book or seven. That's it.

Not sure yet if it's going to be Hatteras but the Outer Bank is sounding right. Maybe further north around Kitty Hawk or Kill Devil Hill or Nags Head. Going to keep on researching and see which spot it will be.

Tomorrow is Cancer Day

I'm taking the afternoon off from work tomorrow in order to take Tally to an appointment with the Animal Cancer Specialist. I have no idea what the outcome of that appointment will be. It makes me nervous.

It's been 5 weeks since I got the call from the Surgeon that the growth he removed was cancerous. 5 weeks and I'm simply spent from all of the waiting and worrying.

My boss pulled me into his office this morning for the first time since the last round of layoffs to see how I was doing. Moron that I am I started crying. HATE IT WHEN I DO THAT!!! I realized when he was asking me that my stress is not related to work. Don't get me wrong now that we have lost half of the employees here I have a lot more work to do and I'm having to learn a LOT more, but that's not what is stressing me out. Tally's unknown cancer is stressing me to near my breaking point.

She's my little piece of family. She's why I race home every night. She's who I worry about and fret about. She's who I talk to at night. She's my constant companion. I adore her little face. She fills the being single with no kids void that I feel.

So tomorrow I hope we find out what we are dealing with and start dealing with it. I need that. I need to move on from the unknown into a process of healing a known.

I've also probably gained 10 pounds during the past 5 weeks which ugh let's not even get in to how I feel about that.

Here's to knowing and dealing with what's to come.

Still here

Three more people let go today at workplace but I'm still here. Last to arrive and still here. Should I still be here? Sweaty palms and nerves all a jitter. But still here.

Way to demotivate & Tally update & Suckitudeiness

Brought up an issue to boss who then proceeded to tell me that in the spectrum of things that he cared about this was at the bottom. Cool, huh? And now I just got called into his office with one of the install techs so that I could be told what someone else is doing wrong and then make her do it correctly. This doing the thing wrong person is the Office Manager. One of the 5 people on the Management Team. Me = not on the management team. My boss = on the management team. But yeah I get to tell Office Mgr that she's doing it wrong. Good thing she and I have a great relationship. I am not enjoying my job today.

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I called the Vet Surgeon place on Monday to see when I'll find out about the additional tests for Tally. Two weeks. TWO WEEKS I have to wait for a final diagnosis. That makes me mad. I also asked if there was anything that I should be doing during those two weeks and was told that the surgeon would get back to me. That was Monday. Today = Wednesday. Call = Nope.

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Oh and I have a headache. And I ate a stupid salad for lunch because I am trying to be 'good' but all I want to do is go home and finish off the pint of mint chocolate chip Gelato in my freezer. Wednesdays can suck it.

What is new-ish

Things have been tough at work. 6 people laid off on Thursday. Much more work landing on my desk. Makes me nervous that I won't be able to keep up but I still have a job. Thank goodness for that.

Tally has a vet appointment tomorrow. She'll need to stay all day. They are going to put her under to do several tests. I'm very nervous about it. I hate leaving her there. I hate the thought that something is wrong and we don't yet know what. More symptoms and fewer answers. Stressful for me. Hopefully not so for her in the long run. First time I've had to have her anesthetized and that alone makes me nervous. I'm going to say a million pleases between now and when I pick her up at the end of the day tomorrow. Please let her be OK. Please let this be easy to cure and solve. Please. Do you hear me? Please.

Taking tomorrow and Tuesday off of work. Was hoping to get somethings done around the house. So far I've not accomplished anything, well except finally posting here again. Hoping to get a bit of painting and organizing done but seems unlikely the more time that passes.

Been reading a lot. Always on the bus and before bed. Love reading on the bus. Makes the commute pass so easily and quickly. Except for during the Christmas snow craziness. That was a bus nightmare. Part of the reason I've taken Monday off. My usual bus isn't running and I just cannot stand the thought of having to take another. What a snob I am. But there it is. And I wanted to take Tuesday off in order to watch the inauguration. I've never seen one but this one seems too important not to.

Back to the books. There's been "The Amazing Adventure of Kavalier and Clay" which I had tried to get into a few times before but was never able to. Made it through quickly this time. A really great book. Then there was "Outlander" which I'd also tried to read several times previously. Made it through this time and enjoyed it. Not enough to read any of the following books but a good read nonetheless. A few weeks ago I went to Half Price books and bought several new ones. Right now I'm reading "The Alphabet Sisters". I enjoy the author and have read two of her others. There are four more books next to my bed as well. Lots of reading for me.

Not sure what I want to accomplish today. Nothing or lot of things... Nothing is so much easier but lots of things to do. Have to see how it goes. Go with the flow or something like that.

Release

My frustration is boiling over. People need me to tell them when things are going to be done. I have no way at all of being able to give them that information. People want help with their questions about how/what/why that I have no possible way of answering. I'm a PM with no way to M.

I'm not in charge of anyone and yet I'm in charge of the work they are supposed to do. I'm supposed to have the answers but I can't even make them perform the tasks, they do not work for me. Boss is out today. One of the tech's went to part-time. Another is on long term leave. Another is home fighting a fever. I have two people to "manage" but they don't report to me. I can't tell them what to do or how to spend their time.

The salesreps want to know when and all I can say is I have no idea. I have no idea when the item the customer wants will be completed. I have no tools to use. I have no people to throw at your issues.

I usually don't feel this powerless at work. This job has been a good thing for me for the most part. Yes, I did cry at work last week but that was because of those other pesky things. Those other things I deal with or don't deal with outside of here. Today I feel pointless. I feel as though I could leave and no one would even pay any mind. Tally would most certainly notice if I were home today but nope, I'm here feeling like I have no reason to be.

Today I'm feeling large and frumpy as well. Such a lovely combination; large, frumpy, pointless and powerless. Makes you want to be me, right? Really who wouldn't.

I've been focused on the bad and the sad again lately. Halloween weekend was awful and I've been fighting against it ever since. There was that evening Tuesday November 4th that was pretty damn fantastic but unfortunately that feeling has proved fleeting. I'm feeling my eyes close over again. I'm not seeing the life and things around me again. But then again I'm sitting here writing about it. So maybe that is progress. But it really feels like I should just be sending out invitations to Emily's Pity Party. Not a party I want to attend but I can't figure out a way to leave.

Going off the pill has succeeded in making me feel more hormonal in a more active way. I want some contact in a way I've never really felt before. And with nothing looming on the horizon in that department, let's just say frustration is quickly taking over.

I spent a billion dollars at the grocery store yesterday in the hopes that I would be able to start eating better again. Perhaps that will help. I keep thinking about exercising and that's where that stops. The couch wins against that thought each time.

Can I make anything different just by wanting it to be different? Does fake it till you make it really work? What power do I have? What can I change? It's times like this where it feels like I have no control at all. I'm not the one who says what will and what will not happen. I'm not in charge.

When it doubt blog it out.

I'm having an odd morning. Nothing much is happening. I don't really have anything to really work on at the moment. There will be tasks assigned to me soon but those who might assign them are all in a meeting. The people shear number of people in said meeting lead me to believe that I should probably be in there too but since I was not invited here I sit. And since I did not want to sit and be entirely unproductive I thought I'd blog. But the truth is I don't have all that much to say. Perhaps I shall just ramble until work needs me. See how long that takes.

Let's start with a weekend recap shall we? Spent Friday night doing something which as of right this moment I cannot exactly recall. Must have been riveting good fun huh? Saturday I do definitely remember. The morning started out with an early wake up by little Miss bear dog. She's been a bit unsettled as of late. Not sure why exactly. Perhaps she needs more exercise. Perhaps she needs more mental stimulation? Perhaps she needs some of her mommies meds. I do not know. We had a rather nice morning walk through the community college and then back home for breakfast. Arrived back home to a voicemail from Amy with an invitation to go out to breakfast. I love me some restaurant breakfast so I quickly called her back and said hell yes I'm coming. Had a lovely breakfast of Buckwheat Pancakes and some/most of Amy's potatoes at Portage Bay Cafe. Then a plan was hatched that involved Denise and furniture shopping (Amy's most favorite activity ever!). We travelled over to West Seattle in search of the particular furniture store and found out it was Summer Fest in West Seattle. A large part of California Ave was blocked off and filled with a variety of odd booths and way too many bouncy houses for kids. We gladly strolled the booths and a couple of stores and spent time accosting the furniture store. Then we all felt that a beer or Margarita was definitely in order so we headed toward Alki none of us actually knowing what we would end up finding. We parked immediately and walked quite a while along the water only to find condo and house after condo and house with no eating establishments that didn't reek from a million miles away to be found. We turned around and tried to hatched another plan which then involved the deck at Pyramid Brewery. Denise and I gobbled up a bit of dinner and Denise and Amy got their sought after beers. My spicy black bean burger was so very good. Then we called it a day and I trotted back home to rescue the little Tally girl from her leg crossed pee pee dance. Another nice evening walk and back home for some couch time.

Sunday was much less full than Saturday. The night was even more sleepless than the one before. Tally seemed to be suffering from a bit of insomnia or something and woke me up at odd hours. I slept fitfully when I was asleep with strange dreams and anxious thoughts filling every moment. It took me a long time to really start my day on Sunday and in the end all I was able to accomplish was taking Tally to the pet store to pick up her food and a new collar/leash combo. I am really liking the new leash. It's from Red Dingo. And so is the collar. They have a great range of colors and I was going to get both in Orange but thought better of it and just got Red. Their leash handles are really comfortable. I'm, like I said, really liking it. Since I had/have nearly no food in the house I opted to have someone bring me my dinner and ordered pizza. It was good and I have the leftovers for lunch today. Is it lunch time yet? Once it got to early evening I thought I should finally deal with killing the bees that have made their home in the hole left when I removed the non-working door bell button. I found three dead bees this morning and think that I may have to do more killing this evening. Hopefully all done with no bees biting me. That would be bad.

And that's all the update I can think to post today. Happy Monday to all.

New job = no blogging on work hours; and etc.

The new job has left me with no time (except right this very moment) to blog during work hours. So that's where I went. Surprise that I actually have to work at new job rather than sit and do nothing like I was able to do at old job.

New job is going well. Only a few days in so it could all change but for now I'm having a good time. Starting to feel my way around and through all of the "processes" that I am supposed to be helping to sort out and streamline. Let me tell you it's going to take a whole lot of brain power on my part to determine the Standard Operation Procedures (SOP) around here. It is convoluted to say the very least. Even those people who have been here a while have no idea of what should happen when and what triggers what. It is a mess. I love sorting out messes.

Now for a non-job update. This weekend was a nice long one for me. Job was closed on Friday the 4th and I took an unpaid day off on Monday the 7th. Four days off did me some good. I had a pretty good 4th. Went to a pot-new where everyone has to bring something new that they've wanted to try making. There was a TON of good food. I had been dying for some sweet potato fries for a while and thought I would try making them myself. It was a shock but they actually turned out really good. Soggy but still oh so tasty. They got very favorable reviews from other party goers and were quickly finished off. I now have two official hits for potlucks: black bean and corn salsa (thanks to Liz for that recipe) and baked sweet potato fries. I'm nearly a gourmet cook.

As a general rule I am not a fan of the 4th of July. It's the normal people setting off fireworks all over the place that gets to me. I feel as though I am one split second away from getting blown to bits and it's almost more than I can handle. So I spent Saturday recovering from my trauma (no there wasn't any REAL trauma but my head thought there was) and nearly slept the day away. Tally was very sleepy as well so we were two bumps most of the day. Very nice. That evening I started to scrub my shower surround in preparation for sealing it. My shower surround is slate as is the floor and I'm nearly certain it was never sealed after its installation and before I bought the place.

So that brings me to Sunday where I actually sealed the slate and nearly died. If it weren't for Amy showing up and waking me from my slumber Tally and I may have succumbed to the fumes. Not really but apparently my house was uber-stinky and I didn't even realize it. Fast forward to Sunday night where I try to fall asleep with a raging headache most likely from all of the nearly dead brain cells trying to regenerate themselves. Ugh.

Monday was paint, patio set and plant buying day. Molly and I agreed very easily on the patio set and the plants. We even got the plants in the ground last night as well. I swear that I will get some pictures soon. Probably once the patio set is put together cause then it will look all pretty and stuff.

Today I am back into the swing of things at work or something like that. I'm also feeling very very very abnormally large. So tonight I am hoping to get up the courage to take Tally roller blading for the first time. Wish me luck.

I have missed you dear blog and I do apologize for my absence. I will pay more attention to you I pinkie swear.

Lasts and Firsts

Today is my last day at current workplace.

Today is my first day of being 34 years old.

What a big day this is for little old me.

No mail for me. No work for me. What is for me?

My personal email is not cooperating. There's not much to do at current job. I've already read through all of the new items on by Reader. So what's a gal to do to fill up her time? I'm listening to a "This American Life" podcast on my iPod.

(By the way I know I need to soak up all of this week day free time right now because it will all end abruptly once I start new job.)

The title of the podcast is "Nice Work If You Can Get It". Perhaps new job will be nice work. That's my hope. That's what I want for me. Oh that and working email and unlimited unread items in my Reader.