Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Chemo #2 a no go

Today was scheduled to be Tally's second chemo appointment. They do a CBC beforehand and then decide if they will do the chemo. Today based on her white count they decided not to. In fact she's now on antibiotics for three days. At this moment she's passed out on the couch.

Hoping that she doesn't get sick and that we can get back on schedule next week. I really do not want this to take longer and keep going on and on. It's all really weighing on me. I'm hanging in there but man am I tired. Tired.

I'd love a vacation. I'd really like to stop having anything to worry about. I'd like everything to be calm and easy. And while I'm at it I would like to win the lottery that I don't play. I'd like to drop 10 pounds without trying. I'd like my hair to quit this frizz thing it's doing. I'd like my house to be in exactly perfect condition. And then there's that whole world peace thing.

Friday, April 24, 2009

Lamb Tripe smells like A**!!!

The short list of side effects of Tally's Chemo include any of the wonderful following items:
1) Vomiting
2) Diarrhea
3) Constipation
4) Fever
6) Anorexia

Isn't that a wonderful list? So far, no Vomit! WAHOO! Diarrhea, well this mornings "outing" was a bit off but I'm keeping my fingers crossed against that. Constipation, nope, see previous symptom. Fever, oh god I hope not because I'm really not sure I can handle taking her temperature up her you know what. Lethargy, Check! Poor little punkin is so tired. Anorexia, oh hell yeah. She turns her little nose up at her food as if I've poisoned it. Earlier this week I added some chicken based baby food to her regular dry food and she ate it up!

In a fit of nerves I stopped at the hipster Pet Store last night wanting to get her something that was made for dogs and not babies. I asked one of the sales people what food she would suggest. She said the smellier the better and suggested Tripe. There was a brand of canned dog food that was a few different varieties of tripe. My stomach promptly turned over at the mere mention of it. I talked with her more about it and she offered to give me a can of my choice to try for free. Couldn't pass that up so I took a small can of Lamb Tripe home along with a can of pureed Sweet Potato and pureed Pumpkin.

Her food from that morning was still sitting in her bowl so I added what was left of the baby food and some Sweet Potato and hoped for the best. Baby food, check! Sweet Potato, no way are you kidding me I'd rather lick around the rest of the empty bowl than eat that crap. So the option left for me was the Lamb Tripe. Oh god please don't make me feed her tripe.

I opened the can. IT IS HORRIBLE! My dinner nearly came up as I dug it out of the can and mixed it into her dry food. She loved it. Damn dog. Then this morning my empty stomach nearly rebelled when I reached in to remove the sealed container from the fridge. My stomach is doing flips right now just writing this.

Perhaps #1 on the side effect list had nothing to do with her but was all about me. Oh lord.

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Tally Chemo Treatment #1

Tally had her first Chemo treatment yesterday. I took the afternoon off of work to take her. She of course was her usual uber excited self when getting in the car at home and getting out at the clinic. She was really happy and sweet when meeting the new vet tech. And happy to see Awesome Cancer Vet again. Then came time to actually take her back into the room where they give the Chemo. She didn't want to go with them. She practically attached herself to my legs so I had to walk with her into the room and then leave her with them. They don't allow owners to be back there because they don't want us exposed to anything. Heart wrenching to leave her behind straining on the leash to be with me.

I retreated out to the waiting room nearly in tears and was pacing back and forth. I tried to occupy myself by reading the paper but that didn't work. I paid the bill for that day's treatment and then paced some more. I can't even begin to tell you how long it took because it seemed like forever but then she finally came bounding out of the room down the hall and straight to me. My god do I love that dog.

We then went home and had a pretty typical evening together. Sat out in the sun on the patio with Molly for a bit then off for a nap on the couch. She was fine eating her dinner and I thought we would get through that night without issue. Then around 10:30 when I was just about to get ready for bed she started to dry heave. Ugh. It was only a few times but I decided that was enough of a warning so I covered the living room rug (the only rug in the entire house) with towels. I then tried to sleep on the couch with her. Around 12:30 she wanted to go out to pee so we did that. Then she calmed down easily and so I took a chance and went into my bed. I left my door open so that I would have quick access to the living room just in case. Luckily no puking last night.

This morning she was very tentative about eating her food. She ate about a third of it and then left the rest until after our walk. Any time she doesn't devour her food I just know that something isn't right. On our walk she REALLY wanted to eat grass. I let her eat a bit hoping that it would help soothe her tum. The vet gave me some medication to give her if she has problems with things coming and going from either end.

I'm very nervous about how she's doing. I'm going to leave work a little bit early today. What I really wish is that I was home with her right now. My mind won't stop wondering how she's feeling and coping. Her next appointment is Tuesday the 28th and I'm going to take that entire day off. They didn't have an appointment time available that was late enough to make working a partial day possible so a full day off it is!

Can't wait to get home and take care of her.

Monday, April 20, 2009

And the diagnosis is...

Canine Transmissible Venereal Tumor. The Awesome Cancer Vet called on Friday afternoon with the details. The prognosis is good with a 90 to 95% cure rate! Such a load off my mind. First Chemo treatment is scheduled for tomorrow afternoon. Now that I don't have to worry about what it is she has I'm worrying about what the Chemo is going to do. Aren't I just a bundle of laughs?

It was a really good weekend and I think it was mostly due to the fact that I felt like a massive weight had been lifted off my shoulders. Now I know what kind of cancer it is. Now I know what we are going to do to treat it. Now I know how she got it. Now I know. Yes, there are things I don't know and those things are still stressing me out but I'll get through it.

My weekend started out with a great walk around Green Lake with Tally. Then a call from Amy asking why I wasn't where they were. To which I replied "I didn't know you were anywhere." She then told me where and off I went. We had a great time thinking of puns on Tally and her sexually transmitted cancer. Tally Ho is now very appropriate. As the night wore on I realized that the reason I was there was because of the other single guy who joined the group shortly after I did. Didn't really get to talk to him much because it was a large group. But Britten was inviting us all for a BBQ on Sunday so I figured I'd get to talk to him there anyway. Then Saturday was some weeding and a friends birthday party. Brought Tally with me and had a great time. Talked with Britten for a bit about Mitch and told her I knew that's what they had in mind. She said she hadn't told him either so no worries. Got home around 10 and Matt came over for a bit. Could not fall asleep for the life of me. Finally conked out around 1 I think. Then woke up at 6 on Sunday. That day was a dog park outing with Jean & Jet and then the BBQ at BnB's. Mitch had brought his foster dog and of course I brought Tally but unfortunately they didn't get along very well. Lucy an adorable pit bull was not at all happy with Tally so I wasn't able to talk to Mitch any more that night than Friday night. Brought my brother with me and he had a great time. He'd never met any of them and loved it all. He's also got a man crush on Duncan which I easily predicted before hand.

Such a lovely social weekend. I enjoyed every minute of it and totally wore Tally out. Not sure if it was all of the activity or something else entirely but she threw up on Sunday late morning. Of course that has me worried. As always she laid low as I left for work this morning in her usual protest. Boss says I can leave early today so I'm going to head out of here in a few minutes and fully soak up the sun that is SHINING out there!

Oh and I also got Mitch's email from Britten and sent him an email asking him out. See what happens there.

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

Follow-up to Cancer day

So Friday the 3rd was Cancer Day and who'd of thunk it but it went really well. The Cancer Vet was awesome. I loved her just about the minute she stepped in the room. She's got a great bedside manner and was very easy to discuss the issues with.

A synopsis:
1) She will not make a diagnosis based on the information/testing that has been completed thus far.
2) She said that the pathologists report from the tests is very vague and not at all sufficient.
3) Contrary to what the surgeon told me, she does not read the Lymphoma test as being negative rather it was not positive which could have been for a number of reasons.

Her Action Items:
1) Ask for a second pathologist at the same lab to review the test results and report.
2) If that report is as insufficient as the first then she is going to have the sample pulled and sent to a lab at UC-Davis for testing.

She has Action Items! She has a Plan!! I love her!!!

Before I left her I asked if I could give her a hug. That was how happy I was with her and what she is working on for Tally. Oh and she was also rather shocked to learn that the Surgeon just wanted to treat Tally with the information that he had and did not offer a referral to a specialist. And since that shocked me as well I now feel like I'm the smartest pet owner in the world.

So I still haven't gotten any results from the second pathologist but I have faith in Amazing Cancer Vet whom I believe that we should all now refer to as ACV. Those are the facts as I know them. Now I shall venture homeward to spend a lovely evening with my lovely dog. Night all!

Thursday, April 2, 2009

Tomorrow is Cancer Day

I'm taking the afternoon off from work tomorrow in order to take Tally to an appointment with the Animal Cancer Specialist. I have no idea what the outcome of that appointment will be. It makes me nervous.

It's been 5 weeks since I got the call from the Surgeon that the growth he removed was cancerous. 5 weeks and I'm simply spent from all of the waiting and worrying.

My boss pulled me into his office this morning for the first time since the last round of layoffs to see how I was doing. Moron that I am I started crying. HATE IT WHEN I DO THAT!!! I realized when he was asking me that my stress is not related to work. Don't get me wrong now that we have lost half of the employees here I have a lot more work to do and I'm having to learn a LOT more, but that's not what is stressing me out. Tally's unknown cancer is stressing me to near my breaking point.

She's my little piece of family. She's why I race home every night. She's who I worry about and fret about. She's who I talk to at night. She's my constant companion. I adore her little face. She fills the being single with no kids void that I feel.

So tomorrow I hope we find out what we are dealing with and start dealing with it. I need that. I need to move on from the unknown into a process of healing a known.

I've also probably gained 10 pounds during the past 5 weeks which ugh let's not even get in to how I feel about that.

Here's to knowing and dealing with what's to come.