I'm taking the afternoon off from work tomorrow in order to take Tally to an appointment with the Animal Cancer Specialist. I have no idea what the outcome of that appointment will be. It makes me nervous.
It's been 5 weeks since I got the call from the Surgeon that the growth he removed was cancerous. 5 weeks and I'm simply spent from all of the waiting and worrying.
My boss pulled me into his office this morning for the first time since the last round of layoffs to see how I was doing. Moron that I am I started crying. HATE IT WHEN I DO THAT!!! I realized when he was asking me that my stress is not related to work. Don't get me wrong now that we have lost half of the employees here I have a lot more work to do and I'm having to learn a LOT more, but that's not what is stressing me out. Tally's unknown cancer is stressing me to near my breaking point.
She's my little piece of family. She's why I race home every night. She's who I worry about and fret about. She's who I talk to at night. She's my constant companion. I adore her little face. She fills the being single with no kids void that I feel.
So tomorrow I hope we find out what we are dealing with and start dealing with it. I need that. I need to move on from the unknown into a process of healing a known.
I've also probably gained 10 pounds during the past 5 weeks which ugh let's not even get in to how I feel about that.
Here's to knowing and dealing with what's to come.