Friday, June 27, 2008

Lasts and Firsts

Today is my last day at current workplace.

Today is my first day of being 34 years old.

What a big day this is for little old me.

Wednesday, June 25, 2008

Two pairs, nearly no waiting

I spend a lot of time at current job (only two whole days left!) surfing the web and other wise wasting time. Yesterday I decided that I needed to find some new shoes since I didn't find any this weekend. I started perusing Zappos because Britten had had good luck there. In no time I had three pairs in my shopping cart. I wasn't going to order all three but I wanted to be able to compare them all in one place, so in they went.

Then I sent Britten an email asking for her opinion based on the luck we'd experienced this weekend I knew I had to have her opinion. She liked them all. Uh oh. I scanned the three pairs again and removed one from my shopping cart and bought the other two. This was around Noon yesterday.

Last night I got a confirmation email from Zappos that they had shipped and since they loved me so much they were expediting my shipment and I'd get the shipment information shortly. Sure enough this morning I had an email containing the tracking number. Since I really enjoy watching the progress of my purchases (wait is that strange?) I checked it out. By god in heaven they were scheduled to arrive today! Can you even fathom that? Today as in the day after I decided to buy them.

The day went on, as days do, and I thought I'd check on my shoes once again. Delivered. What? DELIVERED! At 10:30 AM Seattle time my new shoes arrived at my house. Not yet 24 hours had passed since I'd hit the buy button and I had shoes. Well technically my front porch has the shoes and since I'm at work I won't get them until just before 5 but STILL!

Zappos if these shoes work I may just profess my undying love for you every day until I have spent every dime in my bank account because you deserve it you speedy delivery nearly instant gratification you. And if they don't work, well I'll just have to blame myself (and maybe Britten) but that will not tarnish you in my eyes Zappos. I will still adore your speed and responsiveness.

Monday, June 23, 2008

Obviously I'm made of money

It's the only thing that explains the sudden out flow of cash from my life. This weekend was a shopping extravaganza. Saturday 5 hours spent downtown with Britten lots of money spent and lots of great items to show for it. There are the MIRACLE jeans, all of these cute tops (several I cannot find on the website), and two pairs of Eddie Bauer shorts (which I can't link to because their site just doesn't want me to). So that's 1 pair of MIRACLE jeans, 5 tops, and two pairs of shorts. A stunning achievement in clothing purchasing for this gal.

And now a word about the MIRACLE jeans. They are not in fact called MIRACLE jeans but they should be. Britten and I both bought a pair because they looked really great on both of us. I mean REALLY great. These jeans also have the distinction of making every single other piece of clothing you are wearing look perfect on you. Britten and I started trying things on specifically with the jeans on because they really would make everything look better. I advise each and every one of you to go out right now and try on the MICHAEL Michael Kors Greenwich Stretch Jeans. I'm not kidding. Go now. They have them at Macy's. You can thank me later.

Enough about clothing, really all of that purchasing is noteworthy, but I now move on to the financial outlay from Sunday. One word: Target. This trip to Target was a big one. I have not filled a cart there in years! I bought an obscene amount of stuff. I "needed" to get a new set of sheets for the new item I will tell you about in the next paragraph. Oh and that item also "needed" a throw pillow and then these new curtains jumped into my cart too. I can tell you that the den/guest room is going to look adorable. As soon as it does I'll post a picture.

Last weekend is when the financial outlay began in full force. I bought the Troy Twin Sleeper. That purchase is what brought about the Target run. Troy the second is scheduled to arrive on the 28th (happy day after my birthday to me!) just in time for Liz to be the first to christen it's twin sleeperness.

That was my weekend in a nutshell. Stimulating the economy. It was great.

Friday, June 20, 2008

Just because I wanted to share

Right now I am sitting here at workplace listening to my iPod on shuffle and up popped the Rufus Wainwright song "Beautiful Child". I don't have the right words to describe how much I love this song. The shear amount of music and instrumentation in this piece actually makes my heart beat faster and my skin tingle. I feel like I can accomplish absolutely anything and everything when I hear this song. It's like I've just gotten a shot of adrenaline.

The various lyric sites have a few different versions of the words but here's the one that feels right to me. Enjoy!

"Beautiful Child"
When I am older than these small god damned hills
And there's no reason for my mind to be still
Oh, how I'll feel like a beautiful child again
Such a beautiful child again
Such a beautiful child
Such a beautiful child again
When I have finally found my room filled with toys
Be banging on my crib excited by noise
Oh, how I'll feel
Oh, how I'll feel
Oh, how I'll feel like a beautiful child
Such a beautiful child again
Such a beautiful child
Such a beautiful child again
And when there's nothing to gain
Or bring me pain
Or pin the blame
On you or myself
And when they finally fall
These wailing walls
And burning crosses
God's twilight and all
Oh how I'll feel
Oh how I'll feel
Oh how I'll feel like a beautiful child
Such a beautiful child again
A beautiful child
Such a beautiful child again
Such a beautiful child
Such a beautiful child again
When I am older than these small god damned hills

Thursday, June 19, 2008

The posts they don't write themselves

When I take breaks from really writing anything in here it generally corresponds with times when I take breaks from many other things. For the past week and a half (or perhaps longer I'm scared to really know) I've been very lazy about taking care of things around the house that need to be done. The kitchen has gotten filled to my version of overflowing, the pile of shoes by the front door is threatening to trip me without provocation, the dirty clothes are busting out of the confines of the bin, the den is one big pile, the bathroom, the living room, the hall closet ugh. All of the rooms of my tiny little house are threatening to overtake me with their mess and dishevelment. And I do feel overtaken. I feel overwhelmed and nearly beyond hope. Nearly.

Last night there was a flash or perhaps flicker of hope. I ran the dishwasher and cleared off much of the counter cluttering crap. The kitchen now is a faint ray of light shining out at me in its mostly visible horizontal surfaces. But will it continue? Please I hope so.

See in general I am a rather tidy person. Well that is to say when I am in my functioning state it is generally a clutter free organized one. Then there are times like this past week where that all stops. I start making do with things as they are. Items don't return to their proper places. Empty Kleenex boxes that should be crushed and recycled still sit in their original place only now with a newly opened box sitting next to it. Bills that would usually be paid immediately sit on the kitchen counter. The recycling bin in the kitchen threatens to topple.

What is it that brings on these episodes? I am not really certain. Perhaps it's just par for the course for a person struggling with depression, most likely. Perhaps it's the change in my hormone levels once a month, possibly. No matter what brings it on I can tell you with absolute certainty that I do not like it at all. Not one tiny bit. But not liking it and doing something about it are two very different things.

During these episodes (I don't like that word but can't think of anything else to call it) I lose the will to make any effort no matter how small. The tasks that often are easy for me when functioning seem well beyond my reach when non-functioning. I've been in therapy and on antidepressants for years. How long has it been now? Six? Or is it nearing Seven? Anyway I'm working on myself, really I am, but still these times return. And each time they do I feel helpless and hapless to kick them out. But then somewhere out of nowhere my drive and my self return. I'll wake up again and begin seeing the things that need to be done and actually start taking care of them.

During these periods it does feel almost as though I am asleep. Last night I nearly woke up, hence the kitchen, but it only lasted for a few hours before retreating again. Luckily I have my therapy appointment in an hour and am desperately hoping it will awaken me a bit more.

I have no pithy way to end this post so I shall just say see you again soon. I hope.

Wednesday, June 18, 2008

No mail for me. No work for me. What is for me?

My personal email is not cooperating. There's not much to do at current job. I've already read through all of the new items on by Reader. So what's a gal to do to fill up her time? I'm listening to a "This American Life" podcast on my iPod.

(By the way I know I need to soak up all of this week day free time right now because it will all end abruptly once I start new job.)

The title of the podcast is "Nice Work If You Can Get It". Perhaps new job will be nice work. That's my hope. That's what I want for me. Oh that and working email and unlimited unread items in my Reader.

Monday, June 16, 2008

Acceptance and Resignation

I've accepted the new job. Now I just have to wait until current boss arrives in order to give my notice.

Wahoo for Me!!!

Friday, June 13, 2008

To quell her fears

Because me not posting has started to worry Britten, here's the "update" on the job situation.

The VP never contacted me yesterday like I was promised he would. So this morning at my first opportunity I sent him an email that said something like "What up G?"

And then waited for his response which was this:
"I apologize for the delay. Yesterday was a full day. I would like to extend you an employment offer. Since I'm slower than molasses going up hill in January I've finally written down the job description and would like to meet with you to go over it." Or something close to that.

To which I replied:
"What kind of crack are you smoking to think that I'd actually spend more time meeting with you before seeing an offer in writing? So put pen to paper you lame piece o' poo and send the 'employment offer' and job description over to me in writing, then maybe I'll agree to meet with you again. Maybe." Or something similar.

To which he then replied:
"Can, do. I’m stuck in meetings for the next few hours but will get them to you by the end of the day." In exactly those words.

My response to that is a I'll believe it when I see it bucko. So there you have it. Apparently I have an "employment offer" but I haven't seen it. Since I haven't seen it or agreed to it I can't give notice at current work place which I REALLY wanted to be able to do today. Oh and I really don't feel like I can celebrate either. I was really hoping to celebrate this weekend by stimulating the economy a bit. Poo.

Thursday, June 12, 2008

Oh the physical agony

I am in physical pain over here waiting for the damn offer from damn potential workplace. It is KILLING ME!!!!!

And so it goes. I sit here "working" and watching my email account like a hawk for each and every flicker that just might be an incoming email with my ticket out of this place.

Sit sit sit stress stress stress anxiety anxiety anxiety!!!!!!!!!!!!

Will it ever end or will I expire in the process? I guess if I never post again you'll know the answer to that one.

Here's hoping I post again!

Tuesday, June 10, 2008

Looking down

As I walked toward the nearest Thai restaurant for lunch today I found myself looking down at the sidewalk a few feet ahead of me. Generally I try to look straight ahead at the world around me not just at the few feet I am about to walk into. Every time I caught myself looking down I would pull my gaze up but gradually it would divert back to the previous downward position.

While at the Thai restaurant I sat reading a damp copy of the Seattle Weekly (last weeks edition) and easily tuned out the world. I ordered my favorite, Penang Curry with four stars, but was only able to eat half of it.

I walked back to work and again my gaze was leveled squarely toward the sidewalk. Even now as I type this all I want to do is keep my head down and avoid the screen in front of me.

The mug of cocoa isn't hitting the spot I'd hoped it would. All I can seem to think about is the new job. They emailed yesterday wanting yet another interview with the last two people in the management group. I told them I was busy tonight and tomorrow night so the earliest I would be able to do that was Thursday. They aren't sure they want to wait that long and will let me know later today. Later today is not yet. Later today is eating away at my brain and energy and neck muscles.

Or maybe I'm just premenstrual.

Monday, June 9, 2008

I want an email

What I want most in the world right now is an email. Not just any email will do. I want a very specific email. An email from any one of the three reader of this blog would make me very happy don't get me wrong but that's not the email I want. The email I want is from the VP of the place I want to work with a job offer attached.

Last Wednesday I met with the Office Manager and Support Manager for a half an hour. Then I met with the VP and President for about two hours. After which they said they would be in touch shortly which meant an email late Thursday night (which I read on Friday morning) where I was asked if I could spend more time with the President and VP on Friday directly after work. Of course I responded yes. After packing in things here at current workplace I hightailed it downtown to meet with the guys at my hopefully future workplace. After another two hours of going over some more questions from VP's "List of interview questions" (which he forgot to bring to the first 2 hour meeting and during which President actually said "Oh I wasn't paying attention to your boring questions") we finally got down to the real business at hand the reasons why they need me, what's "wrong" with the department and some issues with current staff. After all of that I point blank asked them when they were going to extend me an offer or if they had some sort of reservations about me that we could clear up.

The VP is the son of the President and seems to play his cards much closer to the vest than the President. The VP said he needs to "pave the way for" and "clear up a few items" but that I will see an offer by the end of the day today or at the latest tomorrow. I think I'm starting to understand them both and their dynamic much better than I did during our first meeting which makes me thankful for this second meeting.

So here I sit hitting the check mail button every ten seconds in the hopes that VP will make up his mind sooner rather than later. Oh and also because today is a Monday and I was reminded once again when boss finally arrived why I want to leave here so badly. This offer cannot come quickly enough for this gal.

Friday, June 6, 2008

Is the past still as good as you remember?

Growing up there were two places near my house that were worth riding your bike to. One was a bowling alley and the other was a Tom Thumb convenience store. Tom Thumb won out most times as the place to go. Don't get me wrong I'm a big fan of bowling but what made Tom Thumb so special and so worthy was the candy aisle.

No, it wasn't some supernaturally sized candy aisle nor did it hold more mystery or excitement than the bowling alley on a typical suburban summer afternoon. I grew into a fairly decent bowler and still have the skills today, but for some reason it was those rides up County Road 19 to spend my allowance on candy that really stick with me.

Just a few doors down from Tom Thumb there was another place to shop for candy but it was a gas station and they also sold live bait. I could not go there. No, thank you very much.

So Tom Thumb it was. That candy aisle helped to shape my tastes for sweets and to this day I'll buy an item just because they used to have it there. That's what happened today while shopping for my lunch at Safeway. I picked up my oh so healthy salad and then stopped by the candy aisle to see what I else I might need. There it was that hot pink box that had changed a bit through the years but what I had to know was had the candy it contained stayed the same?

It has been years since I've eaten a Good & Fruity. I can't even remember the last time I saw them for sale anywhere. So I've been sitting here like a good girl eating all of my salad with that bright pink box staring at me. Begging for me to open it and try all of the flavors.

Salad done. Box being opened. First an orange one. Then a red one. Green and then yellow. Finally blue. They're different. Don't get me wrong they're not bad but they just aren't the same.

The Tom Thumb isn't the same now either. It's been a variety of different places over the past 15 to 20 years. Most recently I think it was/is a flooring store.

Convenience stores come and go. Candy recipes get altered. But I can still bowl a mean game. At least some things stay the same.

Tuesday, June 3, 2008

Back from CA with nothing more to give

I got back from a week long trip to California on Saturday afternoon. Since I gave that trip everything I had, I have nothing more for you. So go on, go away. So sorry.

Wait you're still here? OK then I'll give you a synopsis of the events of the week. I'd say highlights but that makes it sound all glamorous and glorious.

- Saturday, arrived in Sacramento on the afternoon of May 24th with mom and was greeted by dad and eldest sister. Proceeded to wait a ridiculous amount of time for our luggage. (Apparently two planes arriving at the same time was WAY too much for the ground crew.) Made our way to the rental car area to meet aunt, uncle and cousin. Uncle had locked their luggage into the trunk of the car he was told he was given keys to but wasn't and then we had to wait an hour while rental car people searched for keys to that car only to have a tow truck finally arrive to break into that car so we could then move the luggage to our actual car. While waiting we witnessed a 4 car pileup in the rental car lot. A driver couldn't find that break pedal but instead floored his rental into three others. Very dramatic. Finally loaded ourselves (me, mom, uncle, aunt, cousin) into rented Ford Taurus. I was back seat in the middle with the hump gal for the grueling two hour drive up to Magalia. Uncomfortable is best description for that seat. Dad and eldest sister are spending the night in Sacramento and driving up the next day (there was a hotel shortage in the area near grandpa's house for that night).

- Saturday evening prepared the house as well as we could for after Memorial gathering the next day.

- Sunday, the Memorial for which there was no actual plan of events and at the last minute my mom asked me to read the article she'd written about Grandpa as a sort of eulogy. Glad I had no time to fret about it and was able to get through it fairly well. Then the Memorial gathering which was nice.

- Monday, the day of the Big Record Boxing TM. Grandpa had a MASSIVE record collection of mostly big band era music. 15 of us spent most of the day boxing records/tapes/reel-to-reels from every nook and cranny of the house. The music was every where; attic, loft, garage, bed room, bathroom, every where! In total we were able to load 150+ boxes into the truck before we'd reached its load limit. There are about 15 perhaps 20 more still waiting in the garage for a later pick up. The records were donated to a historical survey that will sort through and catalog the collection keeping it all in Grandpa's name. We are thrilled that it gets to stay together and be a part of history.

- Tuesday morning we drove up to Bottle Hill to scatter some of Grandpa's ashes where some of Grandma's had been spread a few years ago. It's about a half hour up into the hills past Grandpa's house and way past where the road turns to red dirt. I got to carry Grandpa up the hill which was rather moving for me. I could almost picture him trodding along with me as I ascended. It felt nice to be that near him. Hope that doesn't sound too strange but I can't describe it properly. And because we are now going to be voted the most irreverent family on the planet we used a 1/4 cup measuring scoop to scatter the ashes. We couldn't figure out what else to use. After that most of the family was scheduled to head back to their respective homes leaving just 5 of us for the rest of the week (me, mom, eldest sister, aunt and uncle).

- Wednesday, Thursday and Friday was spent cleaning and sorting through all of the remaining contents of the house. My mom and aunt also had a lot of errands to run to various banks and legal type places. By Thursday my allergies had started to turn into a energy draining cold and I spent much of the last two days hovering between awake and asleep and the Kleenex box.

- Saturday the journey home was smooth and uneventful. After getting picked up at the airport by Molly (Thank you Molly!!!) I immediately dropped my bags inside my house and went to pick up Tally from Amy's. I cannot tell you how great it was to see her again. I am fairly certain that she missed me nearly as much as I missed her. That evening she couldn't get enough attention from me and became my shadow.

And now back to real life. Still tired and suffering the lingering effects of the cold but blissfully happy to be back with my adorable little dog. And just so you can experience her adorableness for yourself and as a reward for slogging through the above here's the best picture anyone has yet to take of her. Photo credit to Amy the best dog sitter on the planet.