My attitude is in the crapper. I hate being at work. I am not happy with my social situation. Rephrase that last one. I am happy when I have social situations to attend but more and more often I have a lot of alone time and I'm just not feeling up to trying to fill it.
I met with my Dr on Friday to discuss my current hormonal situation which has also been craptastic of late. She prescribed a bcp that is supposed to help with both the craptacular periods and my horrible mood. Sounds like a great up side. The down side is my insurance doesn't cover it so it's $70 out of pocket each month. Crap.
Perhaps it was a horrible idea for me to go off of the anti-depressants. Perhaps I'm not cut out for this job. Perhaps I shouldn't have, in a fit of loneliness last night, signed up for an internet dating site when I've been there done that more times then I can even count.
What the in the name of all that's holy is going to make me happy? Why does everything make me want to cry?
Friends whom I love dearly are having babies and I couldn't be more excited for them or more jealous. People ask the dreaded "why aren't you dating anyone" question and a part of me shreds to pieces.
When do you suppose I'll feel like I have a life that's something. A life that makes me want to get out of bed each day and take it on. A life that is enough for everyone to see and there are no more questions of "why aren't you" or "why don't you". I want my life to be enough and more. I do not want to regret my time here.
For now I'd really settle for being able to keep a lid on the tears while at work. Ugh. Makes my face hurt. Makes my entire head hurt. Makes all of this trying to cope crap even harder.
And on that cheery note I shall leave you with this quote from Real Genius just because:
"I was thinking of the immortal words of Socrates, who said, 'I drank what?'"