Ugh, I am falling apart

I now have a diagnosis of my foot pain. I saw a podiatrist this morning and I have developed (am developing) osteoarthritis in my big toe(s). It is more pronounced in my right foot but also a bit in my left as well. I'm a bit on the bummed side about this because well it's a bummer. I have a bone scan scheduled for Friday to get some more information about my feet and a follow up appointment with the podiatrist for Monday to go over the scan results. So anyway at least there's a bit of information about that. More as I know it.

And here's the other reason I'm falling apart. I was diagnosed on Monday with Shingles and not the ones you put on the roof of your house. Anyone who's had chicken pox can get shingles because they are caused by the same virus but still. You know it's not your week when one day you find out you have one disease and then to discover a day later that you have another.

So there's that. I'll say it again, Ugh.

Shop like a shopper

The high temperatures this week have been progressively climbing up the thermometer. Today's high is said to be near 90 and tomorrow as well.

So when getting ready for work today I wanted to wear an outfit that would be acceptable for the air-conditioned office and the non-air conditioned bus ride home. I decided on these really comfy chocolate brown capri's I bought last year at Lucy. But alas and alack I do not own the proper foot ware to accompany said comfy chocolate brown capri's. I made do with another pair of shoes but spent my morning in an unhappy foot ware state of mind. Then came lunch. On a whim, I walked the two blocks to the bus stop that would take me to where the shopping lives. It's only about 8 blocks and I've walked it before but today I was on a mission and didn't have the time to waste.

I hopped on the #3 bus and got off outside the downtown Macy's. Quick round through their shoe department turned up no good options. So back outside to head over to Nordstrom. A fly by of their shoe department yielded the perfect adorable chocolate brown Reef's. And yes I know that given my current foot pain I should not be wearing flip flops. 90 degrees people! Feet cannot be forced into shoes when it is 90 degrees outside. It just cannot be done.

Flip flops purchased, two blocks back to the bus, 8 blocks on the bus back to work. There and back with shoes purchased in a half an hour. Awesome. I even had a bit of money on a Nordstrom gift card that needed using. So all in all I'd say I made out like a thief.

Now here I sit in a Friday lull at work. People are on vacation, people are leaving early, and I am posting on this here blog. Hopefully Tally is enjoying her day and the house hasn't become a sweltering oven of 90 degree heat. Hope everyone has fantastic weekend plans ahead of them. Mine still involve dealing with the den. Perhaps some day I will have wonderful AFTER pictures to show you. I certainly hope so.

Where do I go?

I keep feeling as though parts of me disappear. I stop posting here and at the same time seem to stop paying attention to other areas of my life. It happens with regularity that I have yet to be able to pin point. Is it based on the phases of the moon? Or perhaps the phases of my cycle? Perhaps I should take a look back at my posts here. I'm positive that I've talked about this plenty of times before.

The song that shouldn't come up on shuffle on your iPod at this precise moment is Rhett Miller's "Come Around" with the refrain of "Am I gonna be lonely for the rest of my life?" This is the thought that seems to pervade these times more than any other. It's the one that paralyzes me into inaction. I can't break out of the fear. The "lonely for the rest of my life" thought is too scary to face, so I face nothing. I hide from most everything. The dirty dishes start to pile up next to the sink. The clean dishes still fill the dishwasher. The den project cannot be tackled. I'm not moving forward or anywhere at all.

I invent reasons why I can't use my computer at home to work on my match.com situation. The room is too messy. The desk is too messy. I really should clean the kitchen first. Tally should really have a bath before I start that huge project.

The den has become a symbol for my dating life. Don't pay any attention to that place in that corner. Avoid it at all costs. Keep looking another direction, any other direction but not that one. Makes me wonder if the northwest corner of the house is the relationship corner in fung shui land. Do you know?

So what do I do? Carol says that I'm ready. To date that is. She thinks I'm ready to take it on. That I need to take it on. Well, I know that I need to but I just can't. I can't face it. It's too much. I'm mired down in an uncomfortable, spiky, painful place.

PMS is that you talking? If so, please go away soon.