I can't think of anything to write about but I'd rather write in here than actually do my job. So here I am. It's 3:15 ish on Friday afternoon. I can't wait until today and this week are over. For some reason things have been kind of off. I can't really explain why or what. I just seem out of sorts.
My therapy session on Tuesday went fine but not really. I felt strange during the session as though I was talking to a stranger. She and I have known each other nearly 6 years (I think) so we are definitely not strangers. But there was a feeling in the room that I can't get over. I'll have to remember to bring it up to her next week. It almost felt as though she didn't want me there or I was intruding on something. Strange. How many times can I use the word strange or a derivative of it in one paragraph?
Then there was the date I went on last night. A few weeks ago I went speed dating and this was one of the two guys I gave a "yes" vote to. He also said "yes" to me which should have meant that he wanted to see me again even in some small way but I don't think so. In the emails we exchanged his comments were short and to the point. No extraneous questions or conversation stirring. Then there was a short phone convo with the same feeling, straight to the point, no off topic remarks and no "lets get to know each other" banter. We were supposed to go bowling at a place in the city that will be closing this spring but when we got there it turned out to be league night. So we went to a restaurant he suggested. Ordered drinks at the bar while waiting for a table. Once at the table ordered an appetizer to share. His posture wasn't inclusive. He was sitting back in the booth with his arms crossed. Classic body language for "I'm uninterested" if you ask me. Then he dropped me back at my car, quickly said good bye and off he went. We met up at 8 and I was back at my car by 9:45. Not a marathon date by any means.
This week at work hasn't been fun either but I've already blogged about that. So what else shall I write about? None of my jeans are fitting correctly. They are getting baggy in the waist, I should say even more baggy in the waist. I'm very pear shaped and with the changes I've made to my diet and the exercising I've been doing I've lost about 7 or 8 pounds. I'm trilled to be losing weight but if more of it would come off of my thighs I would be ecstatic! I'm shaped how I'm shaped so there's nothing much I can do about that except keep on keeping on. I need to lose about three more pounds by February 10th in order to make the target of my "fat bet" at work. Everyone here is on some sort of weight loss bet that we are calling "fat bet". Boss has even made a web site to track our progress. I have to weigh in every week day on the scale at work. Then on the morning of February 11th we will all be weighing in to see if we made our bets. We can wear shorts and t-shirts for the final weigh in so I'm hoping not wearing my jeans on that day will help a bit, even if just a little bit.
My head feels empty. I'm not feeling focused or excited or much of anything right now. I hope the weekend will help restore my energy and excitement. So strange how those feelings are so fleeting and the doldrums and lows return without advanced warning. I guess that's a good enough reason as to why I'm back in therapy and still taking the happy pills. Oh and did I mention that my new insurance might not cover my therapy visits? Preexisting condition and all. Have to wait and see what they determine on that. But if they won't pay then I'll have to cut back on my visits. It's just too expensive to go every week.
Tired today. I even had two mugs of Chai this morning. Eyelids are heavy. Sleep would be so nice. Perhaps I'll go to bed a bit early tonight. And a nice long sweat at the gym wouldn't hurt either. I'll do my best to turn it around, that's all I can expect from myself.