Goodbye Grandpa

My grandpa died yesterday. He had just turned 90 and we had a great party in his honor a few months ago. He was a bomber pilot during World War II. He was the editor of a newspaper in upstate New York. He loved music and has spent a large portion of the past few decades or so putting together an extensive record collection of mostly Big Band era music. He was on top of his game and still living alone even at 90.

He was hilarious, unique, intelligent and I miss him.

The trials of last night

Tally and I did not have a great night last night. She peed on the carpet and then a bit later she threw up again. I spent from about 1 AM to what ever time I woke up sleeping on the couch with her. I'm so very tired right now.

Her itching and licking is getting me a bit worried. It's getting worse. I don't know what to do.

Right now she has huddled herself into her crate and is laying down. She hasn't gone in there for more than a second the entire time I've had her. I wonder if she's finally starting to adjust to being with me and the adjustment isn't going well. Why else would she have peed last night and now be huddled up in her crate? Am I over analyzing?

I just don't know what to do to make it better. We went on a nice long walk this morning. I've been giving her salmon oil in her food. I've been giving her filtered water because I heard that can be better for her skin. I bought oatmeal shampoo which is supposed to be calming for itchy skin.

What else is a doggie mommy to do?

A secret hidden in my shoes

My toe nails, which are oh so comfortably enclosed within socks and my Dansko clogs, are very girlie today. Sort of an iridescent pink. They are adorable. But alas only Britten, Tally and I will ever see them in all of their girlie glory. Oh and if you happened to be walking around U Village yesterday evening you may have noticed my bare feet walking around in spa supplied flip flops. But that's it. Those are the people who will see my little tootsies all shiny, freshly scrubbed and painted. I think that is a shame. What ever shall I do about it? Internets what do you think I should do about it?

I say post a picture!



You know what's tough to do? Take a picture of your own feet that doesn't make you want to throw up. See I'm not really a fan of my feet. I must have taken at least 10 pictures to get this one where I thought maybe they didn't look disgusting.

Thanks to Britten for the spa adventure and our night out. I loved it and as you can see so did my toes.

Poor little puker

I went home during lunch yesterday to walk Tally because I had a hair appointment right after work. We had a great time on our little outing around our park where we met two new dogs and their moms. One of the dogs was a Mastiff and was HUGE but so very sweet. Tally seemed to like her a lot.

After the walk I gave my little munchkin a few bits of her food as a treat for successfully sitting on command. Then after work I got all my hairs cut, stopped to pick up a Burrito for dinner and went home.

Bummer if I didn't walk in to two splats of puke on my new rug. Luckily this new rug seems to clean up MUCH more easily than the old rug, big bonus there. But unluckily for Tally it meant that she had to have rice made in chicken broth for dinner and for breakfast this morning too.

This is now the third time that she has thrown up in the 2 and a half weeks we've been together. I'm officially blaming the Advantage flea medicine. The last time she puked was the night after her first treatment and then the next night too. This time it was the afternoon after her second treatment. I'll be calling the vet today to ask about it.

Poor little Tally.

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Update: I am still officially blaming the medicine but I was blaming the wrong one. She's actually on Revolution. Oops. Talked to her vet. She's blaming the Revolution too. Going to stop that med and try another one. And vet thinks she may also be having some allergies (the feet grooming may be a symptom) and so I'll be giving her a Benedryl tonight. My poor little punkin' head.

A little bit cleaner

It was so great to have Friday off. Having three full days away from work really helps me repair some of the damage. I suppose it's a fairly bad sign when I talk about my work damaging me. Yikes.

My three day weekend went thusly. Friday tried to sleep in as much as possible, even took two, count em, two separate naps. Finally around four or so I got myself cleaned up and went to U Village. The plan was to pick up the rug I'd ordered at Crate and Barrel, hit Barnes & Noble for the Dog Whisperer book, peruse Eddie Bauer, Aveda and other fine stores. Oh and stop at Bartell's for hair dye and Easter candy.

It was mostly a successful trip. Book bought, rug picked up, hair color & candy purchased, Aveda items check. No clothes however. So that meant I'd be going out again the next day. Ugh.

Friday night I met Kelly for dinner and then we went to my house so he could meet Tally. Of course he loved her. Who wouldn't? No one. Before I went to bed I spent a while in front of the mirror eyebrow plucking. Damn it hurts so I couldn't do very much. I think they look a bit better. I'm certain no one would notice the change but me, which is good.

Saturday I woke up at a fairly normal hour, did all of the necessary morning prep work and then headed downtown to try to really shop for clothes. I always park at Pacific Place and then head out from there. Started at Macy's and found a dress that works fairly well. It's dark brown with little green and cream dots. I tried to find a picture of it on the Macy's web site but can't seem to find it. Then to Westlake Center for a very quick run through. Off to Nordstrom which was SO PACKED full of people I nearly freaked.

The Nordstrom throng had yanked all of the energy from my body but I knew I needed to keep looking. So I walked up to the movie theater @ Pacific Place to see if anything was playing that I might want to see. "Definitely Maybe" was starting in 5 minutes. Perfect. Ticket bought. Popcorn and pop, check. Seated in the theater and aaaaahhhhh an hour and a half rest period before I had to face shopping again.

The movie was adorable. I am so glad that I saw it and didn't let myself give up on shopping entirely. Afterwards, I went back to Nordstrom to see if I could stand to look around there anymore. Then back through the stores of Pacific Place and I called it an afternoon.

The weather was actually fantastic that day so when I got home I decided to take Tally to her first off-leash dog park. She had no idea what so ever how to act. It was so cute. She smelled the other dogs a bit but only if they came up to her, which most of them did. I walked around the dog park and she just followed me taking it all in. I am not sure if she enjoyed any of it.

Then back home and off to another mall, Northgate. Three shopping trips in two days. Good god was that overwhelming. There's a new DSW Shoes at Northgate and I'd seen good things there before so I thought I might have some luck with shoes for the new dress. I found a pair that work fairly well. They are rather girly for me. My first pair of pointy toed shoes, with a little heal and a sling back. Tried nearly every store in the mall to find some sort of jacket or sweater or something for over the dress but didn't have any luck. But I should think that finding a dress and shoes is nearly a complete victory.

Saturday night I colored my hair. The color is just slightly darker and just a subtle change. Again something only I would notice. Certainly glad I did it. However my tub is not so glad. I splattered some dye that I didn't notice until the next day on the white tub and now it won't come out. No idea what to do about that.

Sunday was lunch at a Chinese restaurant with Britten, Brooke, Peter and Neill before we went off to throw up America all over Amy's house. Very fun.

That's it. That was my weekend. I accomplished quite a bit on my personal spring cleaning list and am very glad that I had those three days away from work.

Spring means cleaning

Today just so happens to be the first day of Spring. It doesn't feel like Spring here in Seattle where the temp has barely been topping 50 lately. But the trees and flowers all seem to know that Spring has arrived. Buds and blooms are everywhere. I even saw a Robin while out walking Tally yesterday.

At my therapy appointment today I was in no mood at all for making any real true therapeutic headway. I just couldn't stomach it. Carol knew it by my posture in the waiting room. Today was not a day for us to delve and deal. So what did we talk about you might ask? If I should color my hair darker, if I should shape my eyebrows more, what I should wear to a wedding next weekend and what kind of make-up I should wear. Neat huh?

How does she know what I need every single time? Because she's amazing that's why.

In one hour my weekend plans when from zero to full of self-image improving tasks. I am going to buy a temporary hair color, start a bit of eyebrow plucking, do a purge on my closet, shop for an outfit for the wedding and other clothing items, and check out Aveda cosmetics. So many stores to hit how shall I ever get it all done.

The hope is that I'll feel a bit better about myself and my prospects in life by focusing on my image. That sounded SO materialistic and shallow but that's not how I mean it. I mean that I want to spend some quality time on me and the physical presence I'm sending out into the world every day. If I can look in the mirror and enjoy the gal looking back at me I am certain that will translate into something bigger and better all around.

If not, then I'll just blame Carol. It was all her idea.

Un-Conscious Choices

This last Sunday I spent the majority of the day sleeping. I woke up around 7 to walk Tally then about an hour later fell asleep on the couch. I woke up at about 10:30 when Molly called. Then again about an hour or two later was asleep for another few hours. This schedule continued the entire day. I wasn't sick. I hadn't been out really late the night before. There wasn't any reason that I can think of that I "needed" to get this much sleep. I just couldn't keep myself awake.

Well wait that's not entirely true I probably could have stayed awake but I really had no desire to. If I was sleeping I didn't have to deal with anything which was exactly what I wanted. What you might ask should I have been dealing with that day? The two most evil things in my life at this time; laundry and searching for a new job.

Well wait that's not entirely true either. I'm such a little fibber today. The truth is I'm sure I could have done laundry, it was the job searching I just couldn't bring myself to face. Laundry annoys me to no end but it's not entirely evil. I enjoy having clean clothes and my closet filled with options every morning. This morning I couldn't find anything I wanted to wear so I'm in jeans and a college sweatshirt. Yes, I can wear what ever I want to work (thank you jeebus) but I'd rather be wearing something a bit less frumptastic than that.

The mere thought of job searching on Sunday caused me hide and kept me hiding in the Land of Naps the entire day. I only woke that day to eat and pet/walk Tally. Why does searching for a job cause me such stress and turmoil you might ask? Good lordy that's an excellent question. One without a simple short answer. But I shall try to explain it. I'm afraid. Afraid of not being able to find anything else or anyone else who would want to hire me. Afraid for finding a place (god forbid) that is worse than where I currently am. Afraid that I'll fail. Big old fashioned fear invades every single aspect of looking for a job.

The very best thing about leaving my last job was that I didn't have to look for a new job right away. I had spent 7+ years at that workplace and hated nearly every minute of it. That's a hell of a long time to be at something you hate, huh? It was all of that damn fear that kept me immobilized and stuck there in its never ending suckitude. When I quit I decided that I'd take a break, sort of a mental health holiday to recover from it all. I worked part time for a friend which was a TON of fun but really all I did was a whole lot of nothing. Then I "found" this job or more accurately it found me. So I didn't really have to worry about the fear the job search just sort of happened with very little effort on my part. It was so great until it wasn't.

It was great because I didn't have to face any of my fears or self-doubts. Great because it was so low stress and easy which was the exact opposite of the previous work place. I loved that part of it. Oh and then there was the jeans every day thing too. I was practically in nirvana. And then I wasn't.

I've written enough here previously about boss and his suckitudeness. See this place is not working for me but that fear keeps tripping me up and keeps me lying prone on the couch for entire days at a time. So what am I going to do about it? I'm still afraid. Always have been and probably always will be. But I've got to keep that fear from stopping me completely. The desire to get out of this situation has to beat the fear in a one-on-one cage match to the death. Or perhaps just a few thumb wrestling matches every so often.

So last night I tried. I actually sat at my computer, opened my resume, pretended to reformat it for a while and then stopped. Not exactly a stellar beginning but a beginning and I'm giving myself at least a small about of praise for it.

This morning when I got to work I decided I would try to cut myself out of this place. I'm going to try to pull all of the personal enjoyment out of my time here. That may seem like a bad idea but I think it might work. I'm no longer going to be reading any of the blogs I adore so much while here at work. I'm no longer going to do those little searches for various furniture or doggie items while here. In short, while I'm at work I'm going to work. That's it. Well, crap that's not entirely it because I'm writing in here right now. But it's my lunch break dammit so there.

My hope is that by ridding this place of any trace of amusement I'll be able to overcome the fears and really search for a new job. Finding a new job is what I really want. I deserve to have what I really want. Now why do I feel like I might just throw up on my keyboard?

Words of the Day: Vespers and Vomit

Last night Mel and I used a coupon that came with our Ballet Season tickets to get a seat upgrade. We ended up in the center section row S. Let me tell you the view from there was AMAZING! I do love our usual seats because they are really close to the stage but they are rather far over to the side which means we usually miss a bit of the staging.

The performance last night was called "Director's Choice" and was four contemporary pieces. One of them was called Vespers and featured 6 female dancers and 12 wooden chairs. Those women were amazing. The piece was gorgeous. The fourth piece of the evening was called One Flat Thing, Reproduced and featured 14 dancers both male and female and 20 tables. While the music with this piece was a bit headache inducing for me the staging and choreography were completely stunning. Overall a wonderful night!

Now on to the other word of the day, Vomit. Unfortunately my new little love Tally has had two bouts of vomiting this week. The first was on Wednesday morning at 6 AM. The second was this morning at 5:30 AM and again twenty minutes later. I called our Vet a bit ago and have some ideas on what might be going on, so hopefully I'll be able to get her through this and we won't have a repeat occurrence. I'm not a fan of getting up before my alarm and cleaning up vomit before my alarm is about as bad as it gets. At least she keeps on hitting the same carpet that I'm replacing in a few weeks. I certainly hope that we can get her gastrointestinal pyrotechnics in check before the new rug is in place.

Aren't you glad that you got to be a part of my words of the day?

You can thank the Internets

My mood when I woke up this morning was the same as it was when I went to bed last night, shitty. But you can thank the wonderful Internets for lifting it enough for me to be able to write in here right now in a manner that won't (hopefully) be full of self-loathing and hatred.

My standard start to my day at work is to read the new posts on my favorite blogs. I always start with the ones that are about people and their lives. This morning was no exception.

Here's why my mood was lifted at least a bit:
Shauna over at Pickles & Dimes posted a list of the things that she loves. How can anyone not feel happier after reading a lovely, positive, happy list like that?
Ree at Confessions of a Pioneer Woman posted the next installment of her Black Heels to Tractor Wheels love story. I am definitely a sucker for romance.

So you can thank two of my most favorite bloggers for not having to read a sad, moody, depressing post here this morning. Yes, I'm still feeling rather deflated today and yes I'm so glad that today is a Carol day because otherwise I might blow an emotional gasket right here right now all over the unsuspecting world of the internets.

My mood started to decline yesterday when I received a "let's be friends" email from a guy I'd gone on one short first date with. I didn't have my heart set on seeing him again (or at least I didn't think I did) but apparently I was unprepared to be nicely turned down. After reading that email I took a two hour nap which seems to be my standard can't face the world response as of late. When I woke up I knew that I had to leave the house for a few hours so that Tally would be prepared to be alone today. OK that's my take on it, she's prepared to spend today all alone for the first time because I went to the mall and the grocery store last night. I'm nearly certain that she'll be fine because she's just so easy going but I'm torn up about leaving her alone.

So I got myself out of the house and went to wander around U Village. See Tally had her first puke session early Wednesday morning and it landed squarely on my living room rug. A rug that doesn't clean easily and that I have been planning on replacing. As part of my wanderings I decided to stop into Crate and Barrel and order up my new rug. I should have it in less than two weeks. I also did some lazy browsing at Barnes and Noble. Then it was off to Safeway and back home to Tally.

This was my second time leaving her home alone. The first had been the night before when I ran to Target. That time I was only gone for about a half an hour because I just couldn't stay away from her longer than that.

Today I'm emotional, rejected and lonely. I wish Tally was by my side right now. Boss agreed to try having her come to work with me one day a week which is much more than I thought I'd get from him and I'm very thankful for that. I chose Wednesday's so that her week would be broken up a bit. I wish today was Wednesday.

I wish for so many things but rather than end this post with a list of all of the things that I don't have I'm going to follow Shauna's lead and list some of the things that I love. This list might be short because my poor little brain can't seem to think of much right now. But here goes.

I love laughing with my girls. Having season tickets to the ballet with Mel. Spicy foods. Big margaritas and plates of sloppy Mexican food. Mango Chicken Curry. Penang Curry. My morning cup of Chai. Sour Jelly Belly's. Mint Chocolate Chip Ice Cream. Getting lost in a good book. Roller blading on the Burke Gilman on those perfect Seattle days. My Tiffany Cushion Ring. Seeing Carol. 4:30 PM M-F because that's when I get to go home.

OK slipped a bit on that last one huh? Either way thank you internets for doing your very best to make me happy. I truly appreciate it.

My little Tally

I picked up Tally on Saturday early Afternoon and we've been having a fantastic time ever since! Although I'm sure she would say that she did not have a fantastic time at the vet today but I think she even took all of that poking and prodding like a champ.

So far she's gotten to meet Matt, Sarah, Mel, Ed, Britten and Molly. More to come this week when on Wednesday she gets to meet Jess and Jackson. Tomorrow I'm taking her into work. Hopefully she'll be on her very best behavior. I'm certain she will be.

She's absolutely the sweetest little girl. I'm completely smitten. How could I not be? Just look at her!

A few of her favorite sleeping positions.

I couldn't be happier and I suspect she might be enjoying herself as well.

I'm a Dog Mom!

I've been approved to adopt my dog. I am so excited I can hardly wait to go pick her up. I've got to call her Foster Mom tonight and schedule the pick up time for tomorrow morning.

I decided on a name. Tally. It's close to Kelly so that she won't be too confused and I think it's an adorable name.

As soon as I get a chance I'll get some better pictures of her so you can all have a good look at her. I'm so excited I could burst.

Dogs, jobs and therapy appointments

Tonight is my home visit for the dog people. I have no idea what they will decide about my place. I can't imagine that they would not let me adopt her for any reason but since it hasn't been absolutely decided I'm nervous and anxious. I will be very sad if she does not get to be my dog. I'm still not sure about her name. I'm hoping it will come to me soon.

The job is still very annoying but that's to be expected. I wish I had a magic idea of what I would like to do next. I'm tired of my current profession and would like to switch it up a bit but I'm at a loss as to how. What I'd really like is for someone to make it all better for me? Is that really too much to ask? Yes, I know it is. I'd settle for a career guide type of person. Some one who can give me some ideas of places to look and positions I might like. When I stop to think about it I do know the answers to all of that but I guess I'm just stuck on the actual finding of the new job. It really seems so daunting to me to even attempt it. Perhaps once I have the dog my whole life outlook will improve and I'll feel more possibility is out there somewhere. At the moment though I'd be best described as a complacent lump.

Today's therapy appointment wasn't spectacular. I don't suppose they all can be. She is fighting off a cold so I'm sure that didn't help at all. I was feeling as though I didn't have much to say so we didn't really tread on any new territory. As with the job perhaps getting the dog will help open up therapy too.

Am I h0ping this adorable little pup is the magic pill that will cure all my ills? Oh you bet your bippy I am. No matter how much pressure I put on her to cure what's ailing me I am certain she will not disappoint. Some how I just know that my world will be a better place with her in it. Oh jeebus I hope they let me adopt her!

Marge is coming and I'm cleaning

My home visit has been scheduled for tomorrow @ 7 PM. A woman named Marge is coming to check out my place to make sure it passes the test of where a dog should live. Good god I hope it does. How could it not you ask? No clue.

In preparation for Marge's visit I spent much of last night sorting through the miscellaneous crap that has been piling up over the past few months. The den actually has a floor and you can see the walls of the room as well. It actually looks like a room and not just a storage facility. The pile of items to donate to charity has taken over half of the living room so that it now looks like a storage facility. Tonight I'm planning on loading it into the car and actually delivering it to the donation location.

My hope is with the house seeming put together and clean then it will seem bigger and more dog worthy. I'm certain I won't be able to sort through everything and make it as perfect as anal-retentive me would like but it's a start.

I feel like my life is starting back up again with all of my doggie excitement. I'm starting to feel like I might be able to tackle those things that had for so long been sitting and waiting. Take the den as an example. It has been the place where crap goes to die since I moved into my house 9 months ago. It wasn't a useful or productive space at all. In fact I could hardly ever get myself to cross the threshold to check my email. Going in there at all was a panic inducing, heart pounding experience.

No matter how hard I tried I could not muster up the motivation and strength to deal with that room. Now that I might be a doggie mommy I'm feeling a bit more strength. Just a little bit. I will admit that I had to stop and leave the room several times last night because I just couldn't keep the bad feelings at bay. I was able to go back in after a break though which I'm very proud of.

You wouldn't think that a person who adores organization and structure as much as I do would have such a block in dealing with this type of situation. But I do. Carol and I have talked about it and I have many ideas why but that hasn't made them disappear. It's still there and it still works me into an emotional frenzy to even think about it.

I'm doing what I can to make my life "work" again and I'm very hopeful that adopting Kelly is just the motivation I've been searching for. Having another being to be responsible for and care for is going to change my life and I know it will be for the better.

Met and greeted

I got to meet both Kelly and Lin Lin yesterday. I was drawn to Lin Lin's appearance (sort of sandy colored with a black face a black tipped ears) and because she's a tripod. She did not disappoint because she is adorably cute. So cute! But I got to meet Kelly first and after that Lin Lin didn't have a chance to win me over.

Kelly is an absolute dear. I believe that I fell in undying, never ending, soul wrenching love with her after only knowing her for an hour and a half. Her personality is absolutely bewitching. She's very interested in people. Loves being rubbed, scratched and adored. Having to leave after meeting her was one of the most difficult things I have done in a very long time.

While I was meeting Kelly, Lin Lin was kenneled and very much wanted out. Barking, whining and general unhappiness. So then to give fair time to both dogs Kelly was kenneled while I met Lin Lin. Little tripod Lin Lin's cuteness did not disappoint. Every time I looked at her I could tell that she was going to be an adorable dog (they think she's still a puppy but aren't sure). But that is all I got to do with Lin Lin. She barely let me pet her and barely wanted contact with any human at all, even her foster mom.

I understand her concern and attitude after what she has been through. They believe her leg was severed in a trap and when she was found she had exposed bones. I can't even imagine the pain and suffering this poor little girl has had to deal with in her life. It's too much to even think about. Both Kelly and Lin Lin arrived in Seattle from Taiwan on Tuesday. Kelly has responded to this drastic change of location and lifestyle with such a positive and happy attitude it's striking. Lin Lin would take a lot more time and energy to get to be the kind of dog that Kelly is already.

I'm not afraid of working hard with a dog and putting in the effort so that isn't keeping me from choosing Lin Lin. But Kelly's adoration of people and easy manner is so irresistible that I just have to have her in my life.

The next steps are a home visit and checking references. Assuming those all go well and will hopefully happen this week, then I should (crossing my fingers) be Kelly's mom by next weekend. I really cannot wait. Every person in the world will immediately fall in love with and adore her. It's a given.

It was so very hard to have to leave her behind at her foster mom's house. I really wanted her to come home with me that very minute.

On my way back home I stopped at my mom's to deliver her and RJ's birthday presents. While I was there Ali and I went out to the garage to see something. When we were turning to go back into the house I automatically looked to check where Kelly was and make sure she was coming back in the house with me. Of course she wasn't there she was back at her foster mom's house. But my brain really wanted her to be there with me right by my side.

I've also decided that I'm not going to keep her name as Kelly. It just doesn't seem right and since I have a friend Kelly that makes it seem doubly wrong. What are your votes for a name? Here's a few pictures of her that are tough to see but they at least give you an idea.