Anticipation of what's coming next

It's finally here the very last day of 2007. This year has gone by so quickly but so many things have happened. I for one am glad to kick 2007 out to the curb and welcome 2008 in with open arms. Here's to you 2008! You are warmly welcomed.


This year I want to (in no particular order):

• DATE! A lot. As much as possible.


• Build a patio.


• Finally unpack each and every box in my house and find a proper place for everything.


• Finish painting the interior of my house (kitchen, hallway, bathroom, bedroom, den).

So what are my New Year's Resolutions? To fix up the house so it feels cozy, welcoming and lovely. To keep being social and dating as much as absolutely possible. To not hide away from anything ever. To embrace who I am, every piece of me. To fix the things I have power over and let go of those things that I don't. How I react to this year is my choice; take care of it and take care of myself.

Tonight will be spent @ Britten and Brooke's which is where I spent last New Year's with him. He'll probably be there with his girlfriend. I'm not going to hide from that but it will be tough. But I'm tough too.

Here's to 2008! I'm so glad you are here.

2007, What did you do to me?

One of my very favorite bloggers, Sundry, has created a list of questions to try to sum up the year that was 2007. I thought I would participate since this was quite a year for this gal.

So here goes:

1. What did you do in 2007 that you’d never done before? Bought a townhouse in Seattle, went speed dating, tore out a wall.

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year? Is it bad that I can't even remember if I made any resolutions? I'm sure I will make some this year and this time I'll post them here so that I can keep track. Accountability, perhaps that will help.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth? Heather and Jess both had babies this year.

4. Did anyone close to you die? A former co-worker.

5. What countries did you visit? Does Texas count as another country? Feels like another country.

6. What would you like to have in 2008 that you lacked in 2007? A better outlook on my personal/dating/love life.

7. What dates from 2007 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? January 19th, had my heart broken that day.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? Tearing out a wall in my new townhouse.

9. What was your biggest failure?
Not recovering from the break-up and having to go back into therapy to get myself back.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Just to my silly little heart.

11. What was the best thing you bought?
My Townhouse or perhaps my digital camera. Both are very cool.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
"His" friends for wanting to keep me in their lives.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
His.

14. Where did most of your money go?
Townhouse

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Moving to Seattle!!!

16. What song will always remind you of 2007?
"The Underdog" by Spoon and "See the World" by Gomez

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
 a) happier or sadder? 
b) thinner or fatter? 
c) richer or poorer?
Sadder, fatter, poorer. Holy crap that sounds so bad but I'm working on the sad by going back into therapy and the fatter by going to the gym. The poorer is because of the house so that one's not all bad I suppose.

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?
Dating.

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?
Being sad about him.

20. How did you spend Christmas?
With mom, sis, bro-in-law, niece, nephew, bro and grandpa at mom's house.

21. Did you fall in love in 2007?
Nope.

22. What was your favorite TV program?
Chuck, Pushing Daisies

23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
Nope. Don't even hate him.

24. What was the best book you read?
Family Baggage by Monica McInerney

25. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Gomez "How We Operate"

26. What did you want and get?
My townhouse, an LCD TV, a digital camera

27. What did you want and not get?
A Roomba.

28. What was your favorite film of this year?
Juno, hands down. Others I loved Knocked Up and Hot Fuzz.

29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
Had a few friends over to my new place for all of my favorite snack foods and I turned 33.

30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
To have spent at lot less time being sad about him.

31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2007?
Same as every other year, Eddie Bauer-esque, sweaters, t-shirts and jeans.

32. What kept you sane?
Moving into Seattle, Anti-depressants, friends and therapy.

33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Zachary Levi from Chuck

34. What political issue stirred you the most?
Protecting a woman's right to choose.

35. Who did you miss?
No one stands out.

36. Who was the best new person you met?
No one stands out.

37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2007.
In order to be truely happy in a relationship I have to be truely myself and not be afraid of what might happen.

38. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year. "And when all's been said and done it's the things that are given, not won are the things that you want." Gomez - See the World

Happy Holiday

I spent Christmas Eve "working". Job was open today but I was the only one here. I got a grand total of one phone call and let me count them up... 2 emails. So busy I could hardly stand it.

How did I spend my day? Doing nearly nothing. Ah bliss.

Tonight I will be picking up brother and we will be heading down to mom's. We'll be coming back up tomorrow evening at some point. Should be quite the full house down at mom's because grandpa is in town too.

So here's hoping you are having a glorious time with your family and friends this Christmas. I shall return again soon.

Will music soothe my car driving soul?

I seem to feel the most anxious when I'm in my car. Many of my anxiety related "ticks" seem to pop out while I'm behind the wheel. The hand flexing , hand shaking and overall pins and needles are often in full force.

It's not all of the time, of course, but often enough that I'm searching for a solution. I talked to my therapist about it yesterday and she suggested listening to music that has good associations. Songs that remind me of certain people or situations. She even suggested an album that she loves by called Prose Combat by MC Solaar. He's a french Rapper. My therapist loves Rap. If you knew her you would find this as funny as I do.

So now I'm on the hunt for a version I could buy locally instead of over the internet from someone in Arkansas. If I can't find one then I'll enlist the help of our friends at Amazon. Until then I'm going to try to find one on my own. Perhaps SonicBoom might be the best place to start.

I'm also open to other suggestions, since I'm not sure how much Rap I'll be able to handle. Let me know what songs make you happy and I will be forever grateful.

Where have you been?

I've been avoiding this little space for the past few weeks. Why? Because I don't know what to do with it. I feel like I want to use it as a place to put my in-between therapy session thoughts. But that feels overwhelming. Putting my thoughts out in the electronic jungle for anyone to find seems wrong, odd, strange, selfish, and an invitation for pity. I don't want pity from the electronic ether. I do want to feel like a part of something larger than myself, however. That's what a blog seems like to me.

All of those blogs that I have discovered in the past several months have entertained, inspired, and entranced me. They have put their lives out there for us all and seem to love it. Why can't I?

I suppose this is part of why I'm in therapy. All of my self-esteem issues all rolled up into an electronic manifestation. What do I hope to get out of putting my thoughts here for you to read? Do I want your praise and worship? No. I want to feel like a part of something more than myself.

But how do I get over the doubt and fear? How do I just write here and not worry about what you might think? Sundry mentioned this morning that she still feels this way and she's been blogging forever. She's actually one of my blogging idols. Her real approach to the world and the words she writes are inspiring every day. I would stalk her, and sort of do, if that weren't ridiculously creepy.

Shall I resolve for 2008 to let this blog be whatever I want it to be with no fear and worry? I'd say that sounds like a very good idea. Love it when a plan comes together.

Thanks to my therapist I am now Digital

I took the plunge last night I went to Best Buy last night and bought a digital camera. I spent the rest of the evening taking pictures, well after I charged the battery for the first time that is.

Here are a couple of pictures of the scarf I am knitting. I took these in two different Macro Modes.


And now the much anticipated pictures of Darby and Troy.












So Britten, what do you think?? :) Don't pay any attention to the fact that I didn't clean up or stage the pictures at all.

I spent most of the evening playing with the multitude of settings available. I'm still very confused but I think I'm starting to understand how to use it I had to try a variety of lighting options to get the couch picture to look as good as it does. So far I'm not very impressed with the indoor pictures but overall the camera is great. It's a Canon PowerShot SD850 IS.

So the reason I finally bought a digital camera was because at therapy yesterday we decided that I need to get some really good pictures up on my eHarmony and Match.com profiles. I'm even going to bring in printouts of my profiles from each site for her to look at. Hopefully with some assistance from her we'll be able to get a great photo and tweak my profiles to actually make them work for me. Right now they are just not cutting it.

I'm tired and Seattle is a small town

I am so very tired this afternoon. I saw my therapist this morning and then came back to work. That has proved very difficult on poor little me. I'm yawning and my eyes are burning. I suppose the burning eyes are from the tears shed in the therapists office. Annoying either way.

Since I was with you last the following situations have occurred:
- On Saturday I ran in to Jess, Josh and Jackson @ REI. I had been there looking for a new warmer coat and was about to go home when I saw them drive by me. I then got to spend time playing with Jackson while his mom and pop shopped for Jackson packs. You know those backpack baby carriers? Well they found one that they liked and decided to then try loading the little man into it. He was a complete trooper! While they were just loading him in this little girl came up to us and looked right at Jackson and said "That little baby in there is very cute." So adorable!!! It was about that time that I realized I was probably going to get a parking ticket because I hadn't planned on being there nearly that long. So I said goodbye to the J's and headed outside where it was now snowing like the dickens!
- On Sunday I was trying to find a free parking spot to go to the Urban Craft Uprising. As I came around the corner of Mercer and I think it was 5th I spotted Mel's car. I was nearly certain that she was at the UCU too. I tried her cell but it went straight to voicemail. I slowly made my way through the amazing booths and kept an eye out for her. About half way through my wanderings I heard her laugh and there she was with Ed talking to one of the vendors.
- On Tuesday I had a fit of motivational energy and decided the time had most certainly come to fix the closet in the den. I can't stand to even look in there anymore, let alone go in the room because it is so overly full of crap! The floor is barely visible. Since good organization can fix any ill, I had to take advantage of this rare motivated moment and go to Storables. The gal who worked out the dimensions for the shelves I needed asked if I was planning on buying the shelves today because if I wanted to wait their 25% off sale started on the 26th. So I decided to wait. Rather than go home completely empty handed I looked around Storables for something else that I just had to have. As I was searching I ran into my therapist and her 4 year old son. I have never run into her before and wasn't sure what to do. I had a quick "should I or shouldn't I" conversation with myself about if I should say hello. I decided that I should. So I did. She was very sweet and even gave me a hug. Then for hours afterwards I was wondering if I had done the wrong thing. If I should have just left her alone. Jess said that if she sees patients out and about she doesn't approach them but is totally fine if they approach her. I was so glad that she said that. And then today when I saw my therapist Storables was the very first thing that we talked about. She was totally fine with it too! Made me feel so much better.

See what I mean about Seattle being a small town though? I ran into three people I know in the span of four days. Oh and I also saw a story on "Evening Magazine" about a Christmas tree farmer who's daughter was in my dorm freshman year. So that's sort of another one.

What else do I want to tell you? Perhaps that's enough for right now. I am planning on finally buying myself a digital camera so pictures of the new living room are coming soon. I'll tell you later what pushed me over the camera buying edge today. It's pretty funny. But that's all for now. Hasta luego!

Suffering from neglect

I've let this poor little blog suffer a bit of neglect for the past few weeks. I haven't really felt very inspired or motivated to write in here.

My inspiration and motivation is actually lacking on so many fronts. Can't seem to pull things together at the house. Haven't been paying any attention to those dating sites I'm paying for. There's a scarf I started knitting just sitting there not getting any notice either.

Can't seem to keep a smile on my face either, which is why I'm back full swing into therapy appointments. My hope is that as we work on things all of the neglected areas of my life will start to receive the attention they are rightfully due.

Until then I'm trying to make sure I go to the gym at least three time a week. So far I've been twice this week. I'm also in a weight loss bet at work. Three of the four of us need to be at a certain (lower) weight by 2/10/08 or we owe the others a total of $210. If we get down to the lower weight then the company is taking us out for a nice dinner. Not too sure about food as a reward for weight loss but I sure do not want to lose $210 so that is definitely a motivator.

My hopes for the weekend are that I will go to the gym at least once, but twice would be ideal. That I will sort through all of the unworn clothes and shoes in my closet in order to donate them. And that I will go to Urban Craft Uprising!

Getting all of those things accomplished will take a great deal of motivation. I really hope I can muster it. Hope you have a great weekend and enjoy yourself no matter what your motivation level.

Keepin' It Simple

You don't need that fancy college degree of yours to keep up with my blog.

Found at Black,White, Bliss.

An Electrical Weekend

On Sunday an electrician come by to do a few things in Molly's place, remove the old mostly unused electrical mast, and pull wire to two new boxes in my bathroom.

When I remodeled the bathroom I removed the old light fixture and covered over the electrical box with cabinetry. Don't worry it's just IKEA cabinetry so it's easily removed to get access to the electrical box. I wanted to put two new lights to the side of the new mirror but really wasn't sure how to get the wire and boxes to their new locations. So since the electrician was there I threw my money at him. Within about an hour he had gone to Home Depot for supplies, cut holes to pull the new wire and installed the two new boxes.

Later that afternoon I finally pulled the bathroom back together and installed the new lights. They look great! I'm so glad they are finally in there. I can actually see myself in the mirror now. Which is perhaps both a good thing and a bad thing.

Now all that's left in order to really finish the bathroom is to find the right paint color and center the mirror over the sink. It's off to the left for some reason. I perhaps may not have followed the "measure twice, hang once" adage the first time out. Oops.

The front of the house looks much better without that silly mast sitting smack dab in the front of it. The three unused wires (two cable, one phone) are now dangling out at the utility pole. Gotta figure out who to call to fix that. I think Molly may have taken a picture or two. I'll get those from her to post here.

I promise will soon post pictures of the living room. Probably this weekend, once I've taken the TV to my brothers place.

Items are getting crossed off of the list. Love it when that happens!

Darby must be a Siren

Last night as I was driving to the manned UPS facility south of downtown I realized that I had left the address and directions back at work. For some reason I remembered that it was on 7th and perhaps it might just be on the 4400 block of 7th. I've been there once before but it was probably four years ago at least. So I continued making my way south in the hope that I was right and it was where I "felt" it was going to be. Oh and I had forgotten the little slip they leave on your door at work too and my license still has my old address on it. All of these things made it seem as though I was not destined to add Darby to my life last night.

But I kept heading south on 7th, holding off an anxiety attack with all of my might because all I really wanted to do tonight was get this errand done for the love of the holy person. Yes, I have been a bit on edge lately, why do you ask? And yes, I did leave a message for my therapist last night asking for an appointment if you must know.

I digress. I was travelling south on 7th when all of the sudden I felt as though I was supposed to turn right, so I did. Then I knew I was supposed to veer left and lo and behold what did I spy ahead of me... the Manned UPS Facility! Darby was getting closer.

I parked and held my newly elevated hopes in check as I walked inside expecting to be turned away for not having sufficient proof of who I am and what package I was supposed to be picking up. As I waited in line for the next available Manned Facility attendant, who turned out to be a woman, I steeled myself to be turned away because of my lack of proper ownership proof.

I handed over my license and she took one look at it and said "Emily, this isn't your current address, is it?" I hadn't yet uttered a single solitary word to her. I stammered a bit and then said "No. It's not." She asked "What's your current address?" To which I said "XXXX Avenue N". To which she said, "That's right. I'll go get your box. It's a bit of a big box, right?"

Shock and awe. This wonderful, smiling manned UPS facility service person knew I was coming. She knew I wanted Darby without even knowing that Darby was inside said big box. I have come up with only two explanations for this; 1) Manned UPS facility service person is psychic. 2) Darby is a siren and she makes her wishes known to all around her.

Either way Darby is now home as is her wish, unpacked and filling her place in the living room wonderfully. I promise that I will soon put up pictures of the living room. It is coming along nicely. Especially now that Troy and Darby have made their way home.

To the Gym and Parts South with You

I made it to the gym last night. It felt great! 25 minutes on the elliptical and then another 20 (1 mile) on the treadmill. Hopefully I will remember just how good it feels and continue to go. Too bad the endorphin high has already worn off.

Tonight I have to head south of downtown to the UPS facility (the parcel service, not my Alma mater) to pick up Darby. I left work early yesterday to try to meet the UPS man when they said they would come by. They came nearly 2 hours earlier than they said they would. So instead of trying to catch them again today I just had the package re-routed for pick up at the "nearest manned facility." For some reason I find that term funny.

Here's hoping that Darby is waiting for me with little bells on. I certainly can't wait to see her.

The Living Room is "Done"

OK so it's not completely done but it's so close I can almost taste it. I wonder what living room tastes like?

This weekend I primed the newly textured living room walls and then painted both of those walls as well. I even hung a picture! It's starting to look a bit like a home. Thank the holy guy for that. I was beginning to lose a bit of patience with myself. OK not a bit of patience a LOT of patience.

This week is better than last week for all of the normal female reasons. Hopefully that will help me accomplish even more this week than last, like actually setting foot in the gym. You've got to have goals, right?

Here are my goals for foreseeable future: (I'm hoping that by writing them down I'll feel more empowered to make them happen.)

1) Go to the gym. Every other day would be GREAT!
2) Finish off the living room. Hang more pictures, attach shelves in tall Besta unit and attach to the wall, completely clean up from painting, remove old TV, sell/give away old TV stand.
3) Keep on top of the cleaning. Laundry, kitchen, bathroom. Having these items pile up makes me hate my home. Can't have that.
4) It would be wonderful to start on the den. Getting the den completed requires money to be spent on closet organization. So perhaps this has to wait for a bit. It's already been a really expensive month.
5) Painting needs to happen in nearly every room. The newly textured Kitchen wall, redo the bathroom to a better color, make the "hallway" match the living room, add color to bedroom and den.
6) Hang the new outdoor light and house numbers. Also, finally decide on a mailbox.
7) Fix the bedroom closet floor from where the sliding doors were removed.
8) Install the door handles in the kitchen.
9) Apply the "Organic" Wall Slicks All Grey's Combo Accent Pack on top of the privacy film on the bedroom window. Hoping it will give the window a bit of depth and "life".
10) Get patio area completed.
11) Insulate the crawl space and figure out sound proofing options for the bedroom wall.

I'd say that's enough for now. Although I'm certain there are more things I want to add to this list I'm going to leave it at that. I wonder if Blogger has a list function so I could make a list for each room and then cross them off as I get them done. Who doesn't love having a list and crossing things off of it?

Things are a happening...slowly

Several items happened as planned this weekend.

Ceiling painting finished. Troy arrived in all of his loveliness (I was napping on him within an hour of his arrival). Brother came to remove my old couch, chair and ottoman, which he is very much enjoying at his place. I bought a fab 32" LCD TV! One wall of the living room is now painted Gull Green.

So many things still need to happen; finish painting the walls, hook up new TV to wireless cable dealy, remove old TV and TV stand, and much anticipated arrival of Darby (Friday if UPS is telling me truths).

Last night I tried to hook up new TV and wireless cable dealy but couldn't seem to trouble shoot quickly enough to get a signal to the TV before prime-time TV was to start so I bagged it and resorted to old fashioned cables. The TV is great. It will be even better once it is in its proper location and wireless.

Hopes for tonight are: to get the wireless thingy worked out, cut holes in the back of BESTA to feed all of the cords, and get old TV and stand out of the living room. Depending on how long all of this takes I may even paint another wall, but don't hold your breath.

I should also work in an attitude adjustment for this evening. Any ideas on how to do that are welcome. Anger, Frustration and Blah have returned and I'd really like to figure out a way to evict them since they are very unwanted guests.

A Living Room Status Report

The current state of my living room:
- All furniture in the middle of the room covered in plastic.
- Perimeter of ceiling textured and painted. Then spackled, sanded and then retextured from where "crown" molding was removed leaving a divot in the ceiling which I was hoping would just be covered up well enough from just texture and paint, alas no.
- One coat of white ceiling paint applied (after first round of texturing) and another coat waiting to be applied (since perimeter now looks somewhat presentable).

Items set to arrive to beautify this currently NASTY space:
- Troy!!! My new sectional from Crate & Barrel is scheduled for delivery between 10 AM and Noon tomorrow, Saturday November 3rd.
- Darby Table by Victoria Hagen for Target. She really is too cute and too reasonably priced to pass up. She should arrive sometime between November 8th and 13th.

Items that need to leave in order to beautify this NASTY space:
- Navy Blue couch, chair and ottoman. Brother, please come get your "NEW" furniture.
- Black TV stand that is too deep and too big for where I want to put the TV.
- 27" Tube TV that is also too deep and too big for where I want to put the TV.

Items I "need" to buy (need being a relative term):
- 32" LCD TV
- Perhaps a storage ottoman to assist Darby in her life as a coffee table.
- Another chair or most likely two to round out the seating area and also serve as seating for an eating area.
- Table for above mentioned eating area.
- Curtains for HUGE front window and smaller side window.

When will all of this be done and the living room back up and functioning as an actual living room and not a hell hole? Not soon enough.

We speak different languages

I've realized that my boss and I speak different languages.

Every time that he and I talk about something he wants my input on he doesn't understand what I'm saying and I cannot make any sense of what he is saying. So I must assume that we aren't in fact speaking the same language. It's the only way I can think to explain the fact that we generally get frustrated trying to work together on something.

So what's an employee to do?? Shall I play the "So what I hear you saying..." game with him every time? I thought I had good communication skills but he is making me doubt that. I used to be able to speak to all sorts of people. From IT to customers to manufacturing staff. Seems like a broad section of the world, right? But for some reason boss and I don't seem to be able to speak to each other in what I feel is a productive manner.

I have got to work on that because it bothers me and I can't expect him to change. Any tips would be very much appreciated!!!

Housekeeping. Would you like turndown service?

A while back I promised a picture of my new bedroom quilt. I am finally going to make good on that promise.

I only bought the quilt, not the pillow shams. It's got just about every color in the world in it so I'm hoping that no matter what color I end up painting in there it will work.

I Know You Want to be Crafty

One of my favorite design and inspiration blogs is Design for Mankind. She has GREAT taste so when I saw her posting for a Craft Inspired Pay It Forward I immediately wanted in. Lucky for me I am one of her winners!!

So here's what this means for you:
I will send a handmade gift to the first 3 people who leave a comment on my blog requesting to join this PIF exchange. I don't know what that gift will be yet and you may not receive it tomorrow or next week,but you will receive it within 365 days, that is my promise! The only thing you have to do in return is pay it forward by making the same promise on your blog.

I'd love it if this didn't stop with me since I did a bit of investigating and found that this idea has practically circled the globe. By backtracking links I got from America to the UK to Norway, Australia, the Netherlands, Canada, and finally Hungary.

So join me in the crafty fun!

Two More Tables for Troy to Consider

These two little tables from Victoria Hagan for Target are really cute and have gotten rave reviews on the web site. And the price could not be better, only $79.99 ea.

This is Darby. She's 20"H x 18"W x 18"D.

This is Katie. She's a little bit smaller than Darby. 18.9" x 15.67" x 21" (not sure which dim is which on this one, perhaps H x W x D but it doesn't specify.)

Don't you think Troy needs a girlfriend instead? I'm leaning toward Darby. She's just so adorable.

What Do You Think Troy Would Like?

Since Troy is going to arrive a few weeks before I thought he would, I need to find myself a new coffee table and quickly. The Ottoman that has been serving as my coffee table for the past 3 and a half years is going to belong to my brother along with the Chair and Couch.

Which of these do you think Troy would like to share the Living Room with?

There's the Red Stow Leather Storage Ottoman from Crate & Barrel. Stow is 17.5" square and 17.25" tall.

Or what about this little Alden Cube Table @ JC Penney? Alden measures 20" square and 19" tall.

Or the Durham Coffee Table at Pottery Barn? He measures 37" in Diameter and is 18" tall.

(Yes all of my furniture is male. If they insist on giving them human names I'll just have to keep giving them a gender.)

What I'd really like to do is find a basic coffee table, preferably round or oval, that Stow could stow under when I wanted him out of the way. In my little imagination that seems like it would look cute. Can you picture it too? As soon as Troy arrives I'll be sure to take a picture of him. That way you can vote on which you might like best. You will vote won't you?

On another note, I believe I've decided on a paint color. It's Dutch Boy Gull Green DC440. I used it as an accent wall in the den in my condo. It was a really nice color and I like the way it looks next to the swatch of Troy's fabric. It's a sort of blue-green. I've been wanting a blue but none of them seemed to look right. Hopefully Gull Green will.

This weekend I hope to finish removing the crown molding, paint the ceiling and perhaps I'll get the walls done too. As long as my arms don't fall off I'll just keep on working on it.

It's a Couch That Makes Me Happy

My cell phone started ringing as I walked to my car after work today. It was a number I didn't recognize. I answered and it was Crate & Barrel calling (more accurately someone from Crate & Barrel) to schedule the delivery of my new couch!!

Troy is on his way to my home some time on November 3rd! That's only a little over a week from now. Something like this probably shouldn't make you giddy with excitement but it has.

The other thing it has done is freak me out. There are still so many things I need to finish in the living room that I thought I would have finished before Troy's arrival. I still haven't even picked a piant color!

So this means I must kick things into high gear this weekend. I've got to paint, reroute the cable wire (this involves going under the house YUCK!), finish assembly of my new TV stand, and then buy the new TV.

I hope I get this done before Troy arrives so he isn't ashamed of his new home.

Retail: The Other Therapy

Yesterday's attempts to lift my mood included leaving work at 1 PM, heading straight home and onto my couch for a two hour nap then heading to IKEA @ 6:30 for some Retail Therapy.

While the nap and last night's sleep helped a bit I'm certain the retail therapy also had it's benefits. My intent while at IKEA was to look at the Bjorna Bench and the Besta Shelving Units. They had the Bjorna bench in stock but didn't have any on the floor so I could see what it looked like. So that got crossed off the list. It was down to the Beech or Black Brown Besta.

In the end I chose the Black Brown 2 by 2 unit which will house my DVR, DVD player and an LCD TV (when I actually buy an LCD TV). Then next to that I'm going to put the Black Brown tall narrow unit for DVD's and various items. I also bought some legs that will raise both of the units off the floor about 4 inches. Should be really cute. I'll post a picture as soon as I get them put together. I tried to PhotoShop them into something but I can't figure out how. Must learn more about PhotoShop soon.

Now if I could just figure out what color to paint this room I'd be nearly there.

Sleep I Blame You

A study done at UC Berkeley found that:

"While we predicted that the emotional centers of the brain would overreact after sleep deprivation, we didn't predict they'd overreact as much as they did," Walker said. "They became more than 60 percent more reactive to negative emotional stimuli. That's a whopping increase—the emotional parts of the brain just seem to run amok."

That's my story and I'm sticking to it. SO THERE! Ok so perhaps my somewhat decent night of sleep last night didn't ease all of my emotional issues. But on the plus side I don't feel as though I want to tear everyone's heads off or cry my little eyeballs out today. So that has to be a step in the right direction.

So it's ok to talk to me today, I promise.

And a Sigh of Relief

Before and After! (Remember the Before is actually Molly's house flipped in PhotoShop)

Drywall, Part Deux

I'm still the girl living in the bubble today. He wasn't able to finish last night like he thought. So he's coming back later this afternoon to sand and spray the texture.

Here's how it looks right now.

And hopefully by the end of the day today it will look DONE!!!

The Present is All About Plastics

Here's a view of my living room today.

The drywall is getting done. Right now he's off getting food and supplies. As soon as he's done I'll put up pictures of the finished wall.

Can't wait!!!!

The Art of Flipping

On my way to and from work every day I have to pass through a 6-way stop. A 4-way stop is usually challenging enough for most drivers because people really don't pay attention to who should go and when. So imagine a 6-way gathering at a very crowded location, a recipe for disaster.

This morning was proceeding normally until it got to what I thought was my turn. Let me preface this by saying that I am one of those people who does pay attention to who has taken their turn and when, even if there are several cars ahead of me in my lane. So I don't just go because I want to take my turn with no regard for the other cars and their drivers.

As I was moving forward from my stop sign the car across from me apparently believed that I had just struck down a grandmother or killed his puppy or something else as horrid and terrible. As he crossed in front of me he looked directly at me and flipped me off. I also believe that he said something with the equal amount of bile and hatred as his middle finger displayed. To top it all off he had a child sitting next to him in his little truck.

Was what happened really worth all of that anger and hatred especially in front of a child? I don't think so. It was an honest case of someone believing they had the right of way and someone else believing that they did. I can only hope that man did not go on to have one road rage incident after another this morning. I also hope that he did not take his anger out on his child.

Life is too short to take his approach to it.

Will He Or Won't He?

I called my drywall contractor yesterday after work to see why he didn't show on Tuesday night. Apparently it is his phones fault. He set his phone remind him and it didn't. He did say he was sorry. He says that he is going to come over tonight to do what should have happened on Tuesday. When I asked if he was still planning on coming over to do the work on Saturday he said definitely.

I wish I could blame an inanimate object for all of the things I forget to do. For instance I cannot for the life of me remember to start the dishwasher. I keep thinking that I'll start it before I leave for work, but then I don't. See it's not my fault. The dishwasher really should remind me that it needs to be run.

Oh and if you were wondering why I don't just start it when I am home, it's loud and my place is so small it's tough to watch TV while it's running. See I have my priorities in order who needs clean dishes as long as you can watch Pushing Daisies, Biggest Loser and Chuck without interruption.

I really am rather lame huh? Oh well at least I remembered to take out the garbage and recycling today. Small victories.

A Bad Start to the Drywall

The Drywall contractor was scheduled to stop by last night to measure for the molding on top of the half wall. He didn't show. I'm hoping beyond hope that when I call him later he has a fantastic reason for not following through.

Is it stupid of me to still hope that he shows on Saturday to do the work?

Dang hiring people sucks.

My Searching Sunday

The weather this weekend was amazing. I tried to take full advantage of it on Sunday by running around looking for furniture.

I started off by visiting Standy's Unfinished Furniture where I found two tall dressers and I'm hoping that one of them might be perfect for my bedroom. Then into Fremont were I dropped in Capers, Portage Bay Goods, the Fremont Antique Mall and Starbucks for a Chai. Then off to the Fremont Sunday Market where I looked for more furniture. After scouting all of the market I moved northwest toward Ballard stopping at HomeSite along the way.

Once I made it to Ballard I realized that they were having their own Farmers Market which made parking in Ballard a bit difficult for a Sunday. Of course parking in Ballard is always a challenge now that it is the new hip spot to shop in the city. I walked up and down Ballard Ave and stopped in at Space Oddity Vintage Furniture, the brand new Skarbos Furniture, Collective, Enlighten, Greener Lifestyles, and Ballard Home Comforts along the way.

At Ballard Home Comforts I found this ADORABLE little bag that jumped into my hand and just had to come home with me. I'm in love with it. I'm sure from the picture you can tell why.




Before heading back home I went to Lowes because I had to get paint swatches for the living room and bathroom. WARNING Paint Chip overload below. Living Room options are on the Left and Bathroom on the Right.

As you can see I'm thinking of a grey of some sort for the living room. In the bathroom I want to go with something a bit more calm than what I put in there and something that matches the slate more. So I'm thinking of a peach/orange. The picture doesn't do justice to how awful the current yellow looks. It's bright and obnoxious.

In the end I found a bag that I had to have and maybe a tall dresser for the bedroom. That doesn't help me decorate my living room now does it?

Molly & Photoshop I Owe You One

Since I didn't take a picture of the living room/kitchen wall before all of the destruction took place I took some pictures of the next best thing last night. Molly's place is the mirror image of mine and she was nice enough to let me intrude so that I could have complete photo documentation of the Before and After.

Here are the "real" Before (with the magic of Photoshop working a mirror image flip for me):


I find it odd that the wall color looks so different in these two pictures. I swear it's the same space just from to vantage points. It is a bit eerie to see these two images, knowing that they weren't taken from my house and feel like they just had to have been. Molly is it weird for you too?

Up soon are the final images of my "wall" remodel. I met with a drywall contractor last night. I'm going to let go of the project at this point and actually pay someone to finish it off. He's going to also fix other imperfections in some adjoining walls while he's there. And he's even going to put the molding on the half wall. Keep your fingers crossed that it will all be done by next weekend!

When I say final images I really don't mean final because then I'll have to paint the living room, and repaint the kitchen wall. But "Close enough for government work", as my dad always says. Then again he also always says "Close only counts in horseshoes and hand grenades." So it depends on which of his -isms that I choose to pay attention to. Given my slightly OCD nature I have a feeling that I will not be truly happy until the couch has arrived, which barring any unforeseen issues should be some time in mid-late November. Until then I'll have to be happy with progress for progress sake.

Some day I'll get around to putting up Before and After images of my bathroom too. But since I hate the color I painted it I'm going to withhold those for a while.

The Wall Was No Match For Me!

It's gone daddy gone!!!
The wall is gone.

And now for the action shots. Well, not exactly action but the middle steps anyway.

This is the remains of the wall and the view without it.

A few shots showing just the header from the kitchen and living room.

Before and AFTER!!!!!!!!

Now who's proud of me?? I am!!!

The Sawzall is coming!

My boss is supposed to be bringing in his Sawzall today. I really hope he remembers. I really want to take down that wall tonight. It will be so great to have that out of the way.

Then I need to figure out where to get some small strips of drywall to patch the ceiling of the new opening. Do you suppose I should just scavenge at building sites? I suppose that's technically illegal but I really only need the smallest amount of drywall. There is no way that I'm going to buy an entire sheet for such a small job. That would be so wasteful.

I also need to figure out what color I want to paint the living room. I was thinking blue but now I'm leaning toward a warm grey. Haven't been to Home Depot or Lowe's in a few weeks so it's about time for another trip. Oh and that silly little crown molding needs to come down too.

All of my grand plans center around getting that wall down. Cross your fingers for me that it won't fall on my head.

Oh so tired and puzzled

This weekend was Puzzle Hunt 11. Of course I had a great time but today I am painfully tired. I even went home and slept for 4 hours on Sunday morning. Several other members of my team didn't sleep at all so I really have no right at all to be moaning about how tired I am. But there you have it, I am MOANING! Compounding the issue is that my head is full up with all sorts of nasty snot.

I really do enjoy all of the puzzle solving so I wouldn't give it up just because of how I feel today. It's really invigorating to be working your brain like that for an entire weekend. This was my second time playing in a Puzzle Hunt. I've also done a couple of other events and beta tests of events. The format of Puzzle Hunt is so far my favorite.

During the weekend you spend the majority of your time in a conference room at Microsoft but there are always puzzles that take a few team members out to various spots on campus as well. I think it's the home base (or HQ) with small excursions style that I like the most about this event. Every time I feel like I need a change of scenery to restart my head there is something that I can go out and accomplish. Something to get the blood flowing again. Some times pulling yourself away from a puzzle that you've been pouring over and distracting yourself with something else entirely is the best way to solve the first puzzle.

The other great thing about this event, at least with the team I've played with, is that everyone has their strengths but it is truly a collaboration. I can't even tell you how many puzzles were solved by having nearly every member of the group take a look at them and add their ideas. It seems like most of us saw nearly all of the puzzles at some point or other. I think there were about 60 or so puzzles which is a HUGE amount.

I know that our finish place was disappointing for the team but we were two people down all weekend and 3 people down all of Sunday. So I'd say we completely held our own and I'm very glad that I was able to be there again with them.

Thanks guys and gal for inviting me in again and making me welcome. I hope to be invited back again next time.

I'm so full of ..... Good Ideas!!

At least that's what I'm telling myself. So there.

My newest idea involves finding a bench to use as my new TV cabinet. The one I have is too deep to use where I want to move it. I'm also going to have to get a new LCD TV to fit in the new space. It's a sacrifice but I think I'll make it through. The look I'm going for is something like this Bjorna bench from Ikea.

It has an upholstered top so I'm not sure if it will work. It seems to fulfill my other requirements which are narrow, low, long (17 3/4" D X 19 5/8" H X 53 1/2" L), cost effective ($199), and has a bottom shelf to hold the DVR and DVD players.

Then there is my other idea which I stole from a table that Doug made for Britten and Brooke. He got a hydraulic barber chair lift and attached a table top to it. I'd like to do the same thing except figure out a way for the table top to have drop leaves. I want the table to be small and short enough to serve as an end table but also have the option of turning into a dining table. Since my place is so small I don't have enough space to have a dining area but having this Transformer table would give me an option to have a table when I want it. I mean who wouldn't want a table that's more than meets the eye!

I think that's all of my good ideas for now. Perhaps I'll have another inspiration tonight. You never know what can come out of this little brain of mine.

The sawzall of my dreams - FREE!

My boss owns a Sawzall and is going to bring it in so that I can borrow it to remove the evil wall. That means I don't have to rent one and I can use it at my leisure. Wahoo!

I spent a little bit of time last night pulling down a bit more of the drywall and learned that the HUGE header over the door isn't one piece of wood. It's three pieces put together.

This new discovery makes me feel a lot better about taking out the doorway. It was confusing and concerning me that the header was so hefty looking. Made me feel like the doorway just had to be holding up an important part of the house. That seems much less likely now.

Can't wait for the real destruction to begin. Bring on the Sawzall!!!!

Things that make you go....Clueless

I have no idea if the header and little wall in between the living room and kitchen can come down. I am not a structural engineer, in case you didn't realize, but I do have a more than basic understanding of home building, structural support and plain old physics. But none of these "skills" are helping me to determine if that wall can be attacked by a sawzall.

On Sunday morning I went into the attic to take pictures of the area above the kitchen and found this.

Left: View from the attic access toward east end of house. The double beam in the picture is above the wall between the kitchen and living room.

Right: This is a close up view of the far end. The end of that beam sits directly above the kitchen door. Those 2 x 4 's going up from that beam don't actually attach to the roof rafters and some of them don't even reach the roof sheeting. What does that beam do exactly?

Any structural engineers in the audience? This gal as mentioned before is clueless.

In an Effort to Lift

Last night in my attempts to change my mood of yesterday I did the following: had cereal and grapes for dinner, watched LOTS of TV, petted Rudy until she got up and walked away. Perhaps it worked a bit but not much.

Then today I found several new blogs about things that inspire from which I found this etsy shop. I immediately fell in undying love with these two prints and broke out my credit card so quickly that I nearly threw out my arm.




The second is a quote from Eleanor Roosevelt that reads "The purpose of life, after all, is to live it, to taste experience to the utmost...To reach out eagerly and without fear for newer and richer experiences." The larger text within the quote reads "Laugh Dance Sing Play Work Love Give Thanks for Life Itself".

Please GreenChairPress send them soon. I need their inspiration and gorgeousness on the walls of my cluttered, messy, in-process home.

Another Day Another Mood

Had a great evening last night! Mostly.

First with all of the great stuff. Britten came over and we walked Rudy then went to dinner at Qdoba. I'm always a sucker for a Burrito. Although they are not as good as Taco del Mar in my opinion, it's still a Burrito and that means it's still NUMMY! Dave had invited Britten to pub Trivia over at the Kangaroo and Kiwi and Britten invited me. I nearly didn't go because I was starting to get my lazy on but I am glad I did.

Got there a bit after 8 and the Trivia started around 8:30. I was good to go, answering questions and feeling somewhat knowledgable until about 9:30. That's when my allergies started to attack me with a vengence!

The "Smoking Area" at the bar is a open area that is technically outside but not by much. There are two large doors that keep the smoking area open to the rest of the bar, kind of like a sidewalk eating area. The smoke is what triggered my allergy problems.

I left, rather abruptly, and proceeded to cough and hack all of the way home. Once home I immediately stripped off all layers of clothing and got in the shower. I even hid all of the clothes inside the washing machine, closed the door and the closet door. It was then a Benedryl and straight to bed.

This morning I woke up with a bit of a medication hang over and in a fowl mood. I've snapped at the Accounting guy who is only here one day a week for half a day. That in itself is not that strange because he is a bit annoying. But I have this overall feeling of "if anyone gets in my way today I will decimate your ass."

So a warning to all of the people who might cross my path today, Don't.

(w2d5)

Nada Nada Limonada

Nothing much happening today, at least so far but it is only lunch time. Biggest excitement was the posting of the pictures last night. Too cool!! Sent them off to Dad for his input on my next steps. Which reminds me that I need to start researching the rental of a reciprocating saw. Certainly don't need to buy one for this tiny little project.

Reciprocating Saws aka. Sawzall:
@ Aurora Rents 4 hour Min $17 or $24 for the day (blades not included)
@ Home Depot (can't find info on the web site)

The Proof is in the Pictures

I've gotten a bunch more of the drywall removed tonight. Feels great!

Take a look.

Don't let it stop you (or how the living room has taken over my life)

Even the threat of a little asbestos didn't deter me from continuing my demo duties last night. It's really dusty work so I'm hoping to add a little water to the mix tonight and cut that down a bit. I'm wearing a dust mask but still feel like I'm getting a lung full of the stuff. And poor little Rudy doesn't have any sort of protection. The thought of her wearing a dust mask is pretty cute though.

So far it looks like the header over the "cutout" continues across the doorway which is so odd. The doorway header seems to almost be floating in space. Well not entirely. It is connected to studs coming up from the floor but doesn't appear to be connected to anything at the top. Oh and it's a rather substantial piece of wood.

My dad seems a bit worried that I have my house fix priorities out of whack but here is how I got to this point. I ordered the couch a few weeks ago and should arrive in November. I have to paint the walls and ceiling and don't want any possibility that the fancy new furniture will get paint drips on them. In order to really paint the walls/ceiling I needed to remove the breakfast bar and its supports. The new TV that I want (LCD!!!) will be sitting in front of the wall area vacated by the breakfast bar so that also needs to be purchased before said couch arrives. So after the granite was gone the remaining wall looked just plain silly. To make the living room into the place I really want it to be I decided now would be the best time to see if that newly offending wall could come down. See dad, it all makes sense?!? At least to me.

So here's the list of things that now need to happen to the living room (Subject to change with blog notice):
1) Complete removal of drywall to make sure the wall can come down.
2) Remove all of the wall. (Rent reciprocating saw!)
3) Repair new opening. (Drywalling??!?! Yikes!)
4) Remove silly little crown molding
5) Paint Ceiling (already have the paint for this)
6) Paint Walls (need to find the right color)
7) Buy new TV and TV stand.
8) Have fabu new couch delivered.

If all goes well the living room should be up and running some time in November. Why does that seem like a long way off and way too soon all at the same time? Keep your fingers crossed because if I can get this done in this time line I can then have the living room as a sanctuary while moving on to the bedroom and den fixes. But let's not even let my brain think on those two right now. You know how easily I am distracted.

I am sucker for destroying things

Yes, I did it. The aforementioned "wall" between the kitchen door and cutout is on its way to being nothing but a memory. On its way, very slowly, very very very slowly. At least for me.

Molly seemed to be impressed by my progress but to me the "wall" seemed to be taunting me at every turn. I don't have the correct demo tools and so the wallboard is coming out in small chunks instead of the large pieces that would be much more inspiring. I've exposed most of the wall section inside the kitchen and a small hole on the side in the living room.

I did have a plan to start the demo from the kitchen side. That way the living room would look mostly put together and only when someone was in the kitchen would they see the damage. Also, if I found out the wall could not come down for one some reason (structural, electrical, water, other?) then I would only have to repair the kitchen wall. When I wasn't making satisfactory progress in the kitchen I took my frustration out on the living room side. Which means that "plan" has to be scrapped.

The good news is that so far it's looking like the wall can come down Mr Reagan. There is no electrical or water running through there and so far it does not appear to be structural. Big old bonus.

But here is my one concern, perhaps something I should have thought of before I started demo, how do I know if the wallboard contains asbestos? Did they put asbestos in wall board in 1968? Off to the interweb to find out. I shall report back.

**********************************************
According to my favorite series of tubes: Asbestos can be found in pre-1977 homes in the wallboard and spackle. So the wallboard I have been destroying with gusto this weekend most likely has asbestos. Oops!!

The siren song of demolition

Last night I chipped away at more of the adhesive debris left by the removal of the granite slab. I also cleaned up / swept up the debris I've already removed. The "shelf" now left there looks a lot better and is begging for a piece of molding to top it off.

Then I sat down on the couch. I really shouldn't have done that. From that viewpoint I was able to get a wide angle view of the cutout/window and the doorway into the kitchen. There is a small wall dividing the two and the header of the doorway is much lower than the header of the cutout. That area is now begging me to be removed. It is saying to me in my dreams "Wouldn't it be so great if the doorway and cutout were one larger area?" "I know you want your little house to feel bigger, wouldn't that help SO much?" "Just do it. Hit me with a hammer. It will be easy!!"

Then there are the other voices in my head telling those voices to shut the hell up because I haven't actually finished a single project in the house! Sure I've removed the sliding mirrored closet doors but they are still propped up against the wall in the bedroom. Sure I've remodeled the bathroom but the two new light fixtures haven't been installed and the "old" sink and medicine cabinet are still in the living room. Sure the granite slab isn't in the cutout but it is still on the floor right in front of the cutout because it's heavy and I have no idea how to get rid of it.

So what's a girl to do? Which voices should I listen to? Knowing me I'm seeing more demo in my future. Keep your fingers crossed that the house won't fall down around me.

The FLOR-ing samples have arrived

The FLOR samples were waiting for me when I got home from the Airport last night. I opened them with anticipation but ended up slightly disappointed. Not entirely disappointed but a bit on the bummed side.

The colors of the samples isn't what I was hoping for. Bummer number one. Some of the samples are a bit scratchy to the touch. Bummer number two. I don't think that any of them is one I want to get. Bummer number three.

On the bright side, I think I figured out which of the textures that I want but that doesn't help with the color decision which is in my mind the most important aspect.

What to do next? Since the colors on my computer monitor are nothing like their real life counterparts I'm not sure how to order some without having to order more sample pieces first. Should I do that? Does that make sense? Spend more money on little 6" x 6" sample pieces of carpet? I am not able to make a decision.

A "big D" recap

Just returned from a fantastic 5 days in Dallas. Left on the red-eye flight on Friday night (or is that Saturday morning?) and returned on Wednesday about dinner time.

I suppose I should clarify that I wasn't actually in Dallas because dad and Liz live Northeast of Dallas in a suburb called Fairview. It's a very quiet "town" with no actual town area to speak of. The closest thing to a town near by is McKinney which is very adorable. We spent a nice day there going to a billion tiny "antique" shops the last time I visited.

This time I wasn't the only one heading to their place, Uncle Wayne, Cousin Brandon and Grandpa were also there. I brought Molly with me so that she could meet dad and Liz and visa versa. Wayne and Brandon arrived Friday night and left on Sunday evening.

On Saturday Liz had gotten tickets for all seven of us to go to the Mesquite Championship Rodeo. Highlights: Mutton Bustin' and Barrel Racing. If you've never seen 4, 5, & 6 year olds trying to stay on a sheep then I suggest you get yourself to the next Mutton Bustin' event pardner. It is fantastic!! The kids seem to love it although I'm not so sure the sheep do. And of course the Barrel Racing is just plain amazing. The way those women are able to make their horses cut like that is pure skill.

If there had to be one drawback it would have to be my ridiculous allergies. I'm allergic to nearly every aspect of this type of event. First the dust. It's in an enclosed arena so the dust is a given. The horses/cattle/sheep. Not sure which one of these lovely animals is more aggressive on my nasal passages but holy hell. Then I'm sure there is a large amount of hay around as well. Hay, in case you didn't know, is a grass. This gal is allergic to grass. So the rodeo was a triple threat for me even though I tripled up on my allergy meds in preparation for it. I felt as though I had a hang over the next morning from the whole thing.

Was the rodeo worth it? Yes. Would I go again? Most likely not. I mean if I spent too much time around rodeo arenas I might fall in love with a cowboy and then go broke from the cost of trying to keep my allergies at bay. I will say a fun time was had by all, allergies or not, democrat bashing or not (more on that below).

Trip highlights:

• There was a point during the event when the rodeo clown attached to the loudspeaker started making jokes about Hillary Clinton and then one about Rosie O'Donnell, to the roaring approval of the crowd. I then turned to Molly and said "These are not my people." Her response "I could never live here."
• The Trampoline Game. A derivative of Slug-Bug without the hitting. It involves yelling out "TRAMPOLINE" when ever you spot one. Perhaps only fun in Dallas because there are a million and ten of them.
• Grandpa talking about his time on the USS Boise (CL-47) during WWII.
• Ping-Pong is so much FUN!
• Boston Cream Pie is actually Cake, according to the bakery people at Tom Thumb. Either way it's GOOD!

So yet again it was a fantastic trip with dad and Liz! Thank you both for your hospitality and friendship.

The coping "skills" at work

This is how I cope: I eat Smartfood and Cherry Sours for dinner. No joke. That is what I ate for dinner last night. Oh and visiting the brand new Barnes and Noble @ Northgate to stock up on books for the trip. A little retail and junk food therapy. Works wonders every time.

Or at least I'm hoping it will. So far today I am the only one in the office. I get here at 7:30 and everyone else gets to roll in whenever they want. Which some days means 8-ish and other times not until 10. Ah someone has just arrived it's 8:40. The test is on.

Would Carol be proud of the skills I have developed? 5 years of therapy. Were they useful? Most definitely! But I still feel very out of sorts and confused when my emotions get the better of me like they did yesterday. My life is much easier on me when I'm at a nice even state. Sort of like Cesar Millan's Calm Assertive mantra. When I'm at those ends of the spectrum, both the lows and the highs, I feel off balance and strange.

Perhaps I should embrace my "skills" and call them something more official like mechanisms or tactics. Does that make them seem more useful and less like I failed last night? Nope. Feels like last night I was hiding away. Besides the necessary Target outing and the B&N trip I spent the rest of the evening watching saved shows on my DVR and eating aforementioned "dinner". Ah sweet escape.

I think this trip to Texas could not have come at a better time. I get to see Dad and Liz!! And Grandpa and Uncle Wayne. What could be better? Time away from the real life and a few days in a stress free zone. Sign me up!

The job and the anger

So what do you do when you get so angry about your job you want to walk out? It's silly and insane to even think that anything in this job would anger me so much but today something did.

I am responsible for sending out this publication for the company and it involves a process that I don't yet understand and only have done twice in the 6+ months I've worked here. So how often does it take you to learn a multi-step process that you only go through once every three months? Am I stupid because I don't know how yet?

Here is the crux of the issue. My job is ridiculously easy. I mean easy to the point of nearly boring me to death. For a while I liked that I didn't have much to do at work. First of all it was a very welcome change from life at my previous job where I was everything to everyone all day every day. I stayed at that place for more than 7 years even though I hated it from nearly day one. Talk about draining!

Then I started at this job and all I was responsible for was myself. Taking care of what the customers need and that was it. Holy hell was that cool or what!??! My boss rarely checks in on me. I never have to prove that I'm doing anything at all. As long as the renewals keep coming in and the customers are happy he's fine. So what's my problem? Really what?

This is where the anger comes in. The aforementioned subscription is supposed to be published every quarter. The one I had to send today is dated "July-August-September". Do you see what I'm getting at? This publication should have been sent out in July! Here it is already September 13th and I'm just sending it! As the person who has to deal with all of the customers I feel horrible that these poor people are getting gypped. But why should I care? Well hell because I just do.

I suppose I should tell you how I spend most of my days, reading other people's blogs. Honestly I am getting paid to sit at this desk for 8 hours a day and surf the internet for my own personal information gathering. Oh and then there's the fact that I started this blog which I am now writing in while at work and all previous posts have been made while at work. So really I have nothing to complain about. So I shouldn't but hell I'm going to. So there.

I'm angry that I'm supposed to know how to do something that big boss man doesn't know how to do, never really showed me how to do and seems to think I'm an idiot for not knowing how to do. Angry Angry Angry. Or am I just hormonal? Ah hell who knows either way as Jess always says "feeling are real" and I'm angry. And truely I'm also bored.

So what am I going to do about it? Am I ready to start looking for something new? Am I ready to put myself back into the job seeking world? Not sure. Maybe now that I've moved into the anger stage (which stage of grief is that one?) I'll be able to move to the next step. What ever that next step might be.